You are a college student. Your school is offering $2,000 to one student: this money will be used to pay college fees. The school is inviting all students to explain why they should get this award. Write an email of about 150–200 words to the college. Your email must include the following points: a description of what you are studying at college, why you are interested in your studies, a statement of how well you are doing at college your future plans

Hello Mrs/Madam, I am writing to express the reasons why I consider
myselft
Correct your spelling
myself
the best candidate to be awarded by the school with the 2,000 grant offered. I am Mary Liu, a Marketing student of Marketing in her first year of college. I find
incredible
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
my program and I am very proud to be part of
this
recognized institution. Pursuing
this
degree is a dream come true
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
me; since I was a little girl, I wanted to be part of the significant impact of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brands
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
such
as marketing does.
Nevertheless
, I am
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
in
this
grant as
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
this
Change preposition
for this
show examples
degree means a huge effort in financial terms. I am currently
payment
Replace the word
paying
show examples
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
student loan which is burning my
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
stabililty
Correct your spelling
stability
.
Due to
the lack of part-time jobs available in the market, I could not find a job able to provide me
20
Change preposition
with 20
show examples
hours to work as the season is coming down.
On the other hand
, I would like to
highligh
Correct your spelling
highlight
the great performance that I have been doing as a student. During my
last
term, I was recognized in two of my classes as the best project marketing developer because of my innovative solutions.
Moreover
, I have kept my GPA above 4.2 since I started my studies. In terms of
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
, I
strongly
Add a missing verb
am strongly
show examples
confident that after my graduation I will contribute
posivitely
Correct your spelling
positively
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
socieaty
Correct your spelling
society
being
Change preposition
by being
show examples
part of relevant industries and companies. My
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
will
also
talk about the reputation and the level of education provided by the
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
. I am eagerly waiting for your positive response. Sincerely, Mary Liu
Submitted by mariajoser3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure better sentence structure and grammar. Attention to grammar will improve the clarity of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make your transitions smoother between paragraphs to enhance readability.
task response
Include a short summary or conclusion that reinforces your main points at the end of your email.
introduction/conclusion
Your email has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for the reader.
task response
You provided specific examples of your achievements, which makes your application stand out.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial burden
  • pursuing a degree
  • incredibly fulfilling
  • career aspirations
  • high GPA
  • commitment and passion
  • graduation
  • positively contribute
  • reputation of our college
What to do next:
Look at other essays: