You are a college student. Your school is offering $2,000 to one student: this money will be used to pay college fees. The school is inviting all students to explain why they should get this award. Write an email of about 150–200 words to the college. Your email must include the following points: a description of what you are studying at college, why you are interested in your studies, a statement of how well you are doing at college your future plans

#college #student #school #money #fees #students #award #email #points #description #studies #future #plans

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Hello Mrs/Madam, I am writing to express the reasons why I consider

myselft

Correct your spelling

myself

the best candidate to be awarded by the school with the 2,000 grant offered. I am Mary Liu, a Marketing student of Marketing in her first year of college. I find

incredible

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

my program and I am very proud to be part of

this

Linking Words

recognized institution. Pursuing

this

Linking Words

degree is a dream come true

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for

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me; since I was a little girl, I wanted to be part of the significant impact of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

brands

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show examples

people

such

Linking Words

as marketing does.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, I am

interesting

Replace the word

interested

show examples

this

Linking Words

grant as

studing

Correct your spelling

studying

Linking Words

this

Change preposition

for this

show examples

degree means a huge effort in financial terms. I am currently

payment

Replace the word

paying

show examples

Correct article usage

show examples

student loan which is burning my

finance

Replace the word

financial

show examples

stabililty

Correct your spelling

stability

Due to

Linking Words

the lack of part-time jobs available in the market, I could not find a job able to provide me

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with 20

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hours to work as the season is coming down.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I would like to

highligh

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highlight

the great performance that I have been doing as a student. During my

last

Linking Words

term, I was recognized in two of my classes as the best project marketing developer because of my innovative solutions.

Moreover

Linking Words

, I have kept my GPA above 4.2 since I started my studies. In terms of

future

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the future

show examples

, I

strongly

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am strongly

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confident that after my graduation I will contribute

posivitely

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positively

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

socieaty

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society

being

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by being

show examples

part of relevant industries and companies. My

sucess

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success

will

also

Linking Words

talk about the reputation and the level of education provided by the

collage

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college

show examples

. I am eagerly waiting for your positive response. Sincerely, Mary Liu

Submitted by mariajoser3 on Thu Sep 19 2024

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grammar

Ensure better sentence structure and grammar. Attention to grammar will improve the clarity of your ideas.

coherence and cohesion

Try to make your transitions smoother between paragraphs to enhance readability.

task response

Include a short summary or conclusion that reinforces your main points at the end of your email.

introduction/conclusion

Your email has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for the reader.

task response

You provided specific examples of your achievements, which makes your application stand out.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

9 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial burden
pursuing a degree
incredibly fulfilling
career aspirations
high GPA
commitment and passion
graduation
positively contribute
reputation of our college

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