You are a college student. Your school is offering $2,000 to one student: this money will be used to pay college fees. The school is inviting all students to explain why they should get this award. Write an email of about 150–200 words to the college. Your email must include the following points: a description of what you are studying at college why you are interested in your studies a statement of how well you are doing at college your future plans

Hello Mrs/Madam, I am writing to express the reasons why I consider myself the best candidate to be awarded
of
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apply
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the 2,000 grant offered by the school. I am Mary Liu, a Marketing student
of
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apply
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in her first year of college, and being part of
this
institution is an honour.
Nevertheless
, studying
this
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for this
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degree means a huge effort in financial terms. I am currently paying a student loan which is burning my financial stability.
Due to
the summer ending, the businesses are getting slow,
thus
, I could not work more than 20 hours.
However
, I would like to highlight the great performance that I have been doing as a student. During
this
year, I was recognized by my professors because of my enthusiasm, and innovative solutions.
As a result
, I have kept my GPA above 4.2 since I started my studies.
Finally
, I am strongly confident that after my graduation, I will contribute positively to society
being
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by being
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part of relevant industries and companies.
Furthermore
, my success will talk about the reputation and the level of education the college provides. Hopefully, these details will clarify why I deserve the grant. I am eagerly waiting for your positive response. Sincerely, Mary Liu
Submitted by mariajoser3 on

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grammar
Pay attention to eliminating minor grammatical errors, such as using 'Mrs/Madam' correctly. You may consider 'Dear Sir/Madam' as a more standard greeting.
conciseness
Ensure all sentences are polished and remove minor redundancies for a more refined and concise essay.
introduction
The introduction clearly states the purpose of the email and introduces yourself succinctly.
structure
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, beginning with an introduction and ending with a conclusion.
task response
You have provided a comprehensive and complete response to the question prompt, covering all necessary points: your studies, your interest, your performance, and your future plans.
examples
Your ideas are clear and supported by specific examples such as your GPA and your academic recognitions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial burden
  • pursuing a degree
  • incredibly fulfilling
  • career aspirations
  • high GPA
  • commitment and passion
  • graduation
  • positively contribute
  • reputation of our college
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