IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People are working for long hours than before, this leads to a stressful life ahead. what are the reasons for it? what employers can do to handle the situation?

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These days,
people
Use synonyms
 are working for
long
Correct word choice
longer
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past, and
this
Linking Words
 causes a stressful life. The main reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 are
people
Use synonyms
 want to earn more
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and compromise their comfort and well-being. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 situation,
employers
Use synonyms
 should monitor that
employees
Use synonyms
 should not
work
Use synonyms
 after working
hours
Use synonyms
 and they should
also
Linking Words
 take care of the well-being of
employees
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 as much as they can to earn a lot of money. They do not bother to
work
Use synonyms
 some extra
hours
Use synonyms
 to earn some extra money. They want to
work
Use synonyms
 beyond their capabilities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and want to earn beyond their necessities which brings stress in their lives.
Moreover
Linking Words
, to earn more,
people
Use synonyms
 sacrifice their comfort and well-being. When a person works for long
hours
Use synonyms
, it affects his physical and mental well-being. He does not have time to do his self-care or have proper sleep which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to stress.
For example
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
 who
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 in the healthcare
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 overtime to earn extra salary,
therefore
Linking Words
, they cannot get enough time to sleep.
Employers
Use synonyms
 should monitor how many
hours
Use synonyms
 an employee is working. If someone wants to
work
Use synonyms
 extra which is beyond his capacity, it should not be approved by the
employers
Use synonyms
. There should be
a fixed working
Correct the article-noun agreement
a fixed working hour
fixed working hours
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 for each organization, which can prevent
employees
Use synonyms
working
Change preposition
from working
show examples
 long
hours
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
employers
Use synonyms
 should look after the well-being of the
employees
Use synonyms
. When someone feels unwell because of working long
hours
Use synonyms
, his manager should advise him not to
work
Use synonyms
 much.
For instance
Linking Words
,
employers
Use synonyms
 of Google, do not let their workers
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 after 5 pm, because employee performance and employee well-being both are important
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 want to
work
Use synonyms
 extra to earn extra and ignore their comfort, which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 stress in their lives.
Employers
Use synonyms
 should look after the well-being and working
hours
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. This will enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and clear, consider making the conclusion a bit more comprehensive by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
To further support the main points, provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. This will strengthen the arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
You provided a clear and relevant response to the task, addressing both the reasons for working long hours and what employers can do to mitigate this.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
The ideas presented are comprehensive and relevant to the topic. You have successfully addressed both parts of the question.
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