IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In mordern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. 1. Why has this change occured? 2. Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

#mordern #times #children #time #families #friends #change #parents #force #home
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In modern ages,
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 are spending most of their
time
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 with their
friends
Use synonyms
 rather than their own nuclear families. I
firlmy
Correct your spelling
firmly
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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working
parents
Use synonyms
 are the reason behind
this
Linking Words
 dramatic change.
Additionally
Linking Words
, elders are responsible for spending their
time
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 at home from their
children
Change noun form
children's
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 early years
instead
Linking Words
 of forcing them in their adult duration. I will support my opinion with arguments in the essay below. We live in an age where both the mom and dad work in their offices to provide their
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 with better resources and superior lifestyle.
For instance
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,
its
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it's
it is
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 a moral thing, but guardians need to understand that the toddlers
are depending
Wrong verb form
depend
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 on them.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays
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childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 mostly spend their early childhood in daycare, caring centres etc.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
its
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it's
it is
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 a place where they
made
Wrong verb form
make
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 new
friends
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, interact with various kinds of peers and
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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 most of their
time
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 with them by playing and doing activities.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 habit continues when they reach
to
Change preposition
apply
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school, college level where they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 not
even
Rephrase
only
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whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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 day but
also
Linking Words
 the nights with their
friends
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 doing sleepovers etc, because they find their
friends
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 more cooperative, a better listener and
the
Add a missing verb
have the
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 emotional connectivity which they
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not feel from their
parents
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. From my perspective,
parents
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 should not
pressurized
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pressurize
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 their infants to spend
time
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 with them.
Instead
Linking Words
, they should
gave
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give
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 them enough
time
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 since their early ages.
For example
Linking Words
, moms should be housewives, so that the
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 can spend
lovely
Correct article usage
a lovely
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time
Use synonyms
 with their mother and she aware
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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about
Change preposition
of
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 the duties of
father
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a father
the father
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the sense of connection gave clarification to
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families are more important than their
friends
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. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 build emotional
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 with their
friends
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 rather than with their
parents
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, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the cause of distance in
child-parent
Add an article
the child-parent
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 relationship.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, mothers should play the role of housewives and full
mother
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mothers
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,
while
Linking Words
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
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 should do outside duties,
hence
Linking Words
, the relationship with children will be balanced and
then
Linking Words
their
Replace the word
there
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 is no need to force them to spend
time
Use synonyms
 together.
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grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar. For example, 'offsprings' should be 'children' and 'firlmy' should be 'firmly'.
structure
Ensure you develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details. This reinforces the main argument and enhances readability.
vocabulary
Avoid using repetitive phrases and make a conscious effort to use varied vocabulary and sentence structure.
task response
You have addressed both parts of the task by discussing the reasons for the change and providing your opinion on whether parents should force their children to spend more time at home.
structure
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion which is important for maintaining a logical structure.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: