Some people believe university education aims to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
First of all, the citizens
who
thought that the higher Correct pronoun usage
apply
education
organization
teaching goals Change noun form
organization's
are
helping students to have a great career.Wrong verb form
were
However
,there are some citizens trust
that the higher Correct pronoun usage
who trust
education
advantage personal and society.I am going to share my points about those topic
.
Overview,there are many students Change the determiner
that topic
those topics
enter to
Wrong verb form
entering
the
higher Correct article usage
apply
education
organization
in Hong Kong.None of doubt,some students have entered Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
to
a great company after graduation.
I am one of the Change preposition
apply
student
studying early childhood Change to a plural noun
students
educaton
Correct your spelling
education
programme
in eduhk
.Change the capitalization
Eduhk
However
, I raccon
that Correct your spelling
think
we study
higher Wrong verb form
studying
education
have
myraids of Correct subject-verb agreement
has
adavantages
Correct your spelling
advantages
besides
only aim
for a great job.Replace the word
aiming
For instance
,I have learn
Change the verb form
learned
the
special Correct your spelling
that
education
needs knowledge that is
common in the
society.I thought that learning Correct article usage
apply
this
programme
can
help my personal growth and broaden my Wrong verb form
could
horisons
.I become a very patient and careful person.The Correct your spelling
horizons
encourage
teaching ways Wrong verb form
encouraged
also
enhance
my self-esteem .
Wrong verb form
enhanced
Futhermore
,I Correct your spelling
Furthermore
study
Wrong verb form
am studying
this
programme
not only aim
for Verb problem
apply
the
career.I always volunteer in the Change the word
my
specials
needs school in my leisure time.In my opinion,it is meaningful for us to help the Fix the agreement mistake
special
kids
development in Change noun form
kid's
kids'
the
childhood Correct article usage
apply
besides
enter
Wrong verb form
entering
a good jobs
.As I am studying Correct the article-noun agreement
a good job
good jobs
early
childhood Correct article usage
an early
education
programme
, we
have to design my activity for teaching the kids in kindergarten.It Correct pronoun usage
I
also
helps me to become a responsibility
person.I vividly remember our lecturers Replace the word
responsible
told
us Wrong verb form
telling
this
programme
can help us to become a
Correct article usage
apply
teacher
,Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
however
,it also
enhance
our knowledge to Change the verb form
enhances
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepare
for
being parents or caregivers.
In conclusion,It has a lot of benefits for personal and society Correct pronoun usage
us for
besides
for only our career paths.The professional skills help us to become a great person.Submitted by asllchkied on
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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more clearly. Start with an introduction that outlines both views, follow with separate paragraphs for each view, and conclude by giving your opinion based on the points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more clearly defined introduction and conclusion. Make sure to state the main points you will discuss in your introduction and summarize them in your conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more supporting points or examples for each of the views discussed. This will strengthen your arguments and give a comprehensive perspective on the topic.
task achievement
Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving overall sentence structure. This will make your essay easier to read and understand.
task achievement
You have addressed both views mentioned in the prompt, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
Including personal experiences and specific examples makes your essay more engaging and relatable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.