Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagreee. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is common that personal particulars could be collected
by
the time of job applications, including Change preposition
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
hobbies
and interests as well as
the
marriage status. Correct article usage
apply
Someone
argued that the questions are irrelevant to the jobs Correct your spelling
Some
while
others might think they could be meaningful for some reasons. Personally, I think these information
Change the determiner
this information
are
crucial as the perception Correct subject-verb agreement
is
as
the member Change preposition
of
in
the recruitment Change preposition
of
team
of a company
. In the following passage, ideas from both sides would
be analysed.
First of all, a number of people Wrong verb form
will
thinks
that they might have their personal life and what they do as Change the verb form
think
hobbies
or otheir
marriage status might not affect their jobs as long as they could finish Correct your spelling
other
their
their
work assigned by Change the word
the
the
superiors. The key is to get the job done perfectly so Change the word
their
skills
and Correct article usage
the skills
qualification
of individual members would be the most important factor when it comes to hiring.
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
However
, it is obvious that there might be numerous factors affecting the employee's concentration in working. They might have to pick up calls from the family or even apply for leave due to
family matters anytime
. If they are handling a call Correct your spelling
at times
due to
family issues in the family which affects
their Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
emtions
, Correct your spelling
emotions
this
might also
affect the concentration of other colleagues.
Besides
, the formulation of the team
in a company
is actually very influential to the company
. If a team
could not
demonstrate good teamwork, low Wrong verb form
cannot
efficancy
in working could Correct your spelling
efficiency
efficacy
be resulted
. As the employer and employee, it is hoped that Change to the active voice
result
have resulted
close
relationship could be established within the Correct article usage
a close
team
, where the interests and hobbies
of individual player
could create chemistry in the workplace. If the Fix the agreement mistake
players
team
members share similar hobbies
, it is more likely to form an unbreakable bonding
with each other and they could provide social support to each other.
All in all, even if someone believes that interests and marriage status might not be the key factor in employment, I truly believe that Replace the word
bond
the
these are the special elements Correct article usage
apply
where
help Correct word choice
that
the
companies to find the right person Correct article usage
apply
as forming
the ideal Change preposition
to form
team
in enhancing the effectiveness and culture of the company
.Submitted by asllchkied on
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task achievement
Ensure consistency in your argument to strengthen your essay. For example, if you argue that personal information is relevant, provide more concrete reasons or examples of how it helps in workplace effectiveness.
task achievement
Try to add specific examples or scenarios to back up your points. This helps make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Sometimes points may feel a bit disjointed. Linking sentences or transitional phrases can be used to better connect ideas.
advice
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can affect clarity. Consider proofreading or using tools to help refine your writing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are both well-structured and present your viewpoint clearly.
coherence cohesion
You present a balanced discussion by considering both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a high band score.
complete response
You have successfully addressed the task and provided a full response to the question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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