Some pepole say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and becom disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work . Discusee both views and give your opinion.
It is an irrefutable fact that in the contemporary world, youth have to face huge competition
especially
in their education for better career options. Some people argue that teenagers can enhance some compulsory skills by joining any part-Add the comma(s)
, especially
time
job, while
others reject this
notion because they believe rest as well as
extracurricular activities are also
crucial. I do agree with the former statement as it teaches them the importance of money.
Admittedly, according to
the exponent justification, after-school tasks help adolescents in their physical and mental growth. In other words
, when students get tired from their regular study schedule they need some time
, which is crucial for freshening up themselves. Although
, youngsters utilize this
time
to play games as well as
for nap still it increases the efficiency level of teenagers, and results in better academic performance.
For example
, according to
a survey by a UK Cambridge professor in 2017, students who spend at least one hour after school on their physical activities are effective learners in comparison to others.
On the other hand
, some experts consider the other side of the coin because the rationale behind their reasoning is the development of competitive skills which are essential for personal and professional achievements. To explain, when a
pupil work after school not only do they become independent by handling their personal expenses but Correct article usage
apply
also
they understand the value of their hard-earned money. As a result
, of this
realization, they become best spenders as well as
do savings for future uncertainties. For instance
, according to
the research of Canadian Times, more than 50% of youth in Canada are financially secure for at least the next 10 years just because of their spending and saving habits. I do agree with this
opinion because it is more beneficial for the young generation.
In conclusion, although
face time
after school allows students to become physically fit and strong with better educational results, still I believe part-time
time
provides opportunities for overall
growth through independence.Submitted by arshkaurbrar on
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task achievement
Your introduction has good context, but it could benefit from a clearer outline of both perspectives to ensure balanced argumentation.
task achievement
While your conclusion summarizes your point of view, it would be stronger with a brief restatement of the opposing viewpoint to reinforce a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to improve readability and logical structure. For example, clearly indicate when you shift from discussing one viewpoint to another.
task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples to support your points. This would help substantiate your arguments and provide clearer insights into your perspective.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of discussing both perspectives on the topic, showing a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and your points are logically arranged, aiding in the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
You effectively use specific research examples, which add credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and connect logically to the body of the essay, contributing to cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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