Some people think that parents should deal with their children's poor behaviour, while others believe it is the government's responsibility to regulate it. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences.

It is believed by individuals that parents should negotiate with their
children
's bad behaviour.
However
,
others
assume that improving kids' ethics is the
government
's priority. Both perspectives are significant and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss them. On the one hand, more people suppose that both fathers and mothers should look after their
children
's attitude. In fact, it is essential for parents to improve their
children
's moral
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
.
In addition
, if
children
talked in a
respect
Replace the word
respectful
show examples
way, they would gain
others
' respect.
For instance
, in my local community, there is a respectful child, so he was appreciated.
Therefore
, the more you respect
others
, the more they specialize
you
Change preposition
in you
show examples
.
On the other hand
, many individuals indicate that
children
's poor behaviour has been
associating
Wrong verb form
associated
show examples
with the
government
, so they ought to find a suitable solution for
this
issue. It can be shown that
this
difficulty is widespread
due to
several arguments. One of them is the reputation of the country,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
might be damaged by those
children
.
Furthermore
, nowadays, the
government
should be proud of young people
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
their achievements,
thus
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers should be respectful. Eventually, the
government
must focus on fixing
this
negative side. In conclusion, more and more people ought to notice their son's and daughter's actions.
While
others
assume
this
social drawback is the
government
's importance. In my point of view, I believe that
this
negative statement is a priority for both the parents and the governments, and they have to work together to solve
this
moral dilemma.
Submitted by moha.aleid2017 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, organize your arguments more clearly, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer transitions between points and paragraphs to improve the flow and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, provide more detailed explanations and develop your ideas more fully.
task achievement
Try to include more specific and varied examples to better support your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You attempted to cover both viewpoints and provided some reasons and examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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