IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, think that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, some people think that boys and
girls
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 should be educated in separate
schools
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, and some of them believe the to generation
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to study in mixed
schools
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 .
The both
Remove the article
Both
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 opinions support each other.
Also
Linking Words
 , they are a bit of
benefits
Correct article usage
a benefits
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 side . On the one hand, when boys and
girls
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 attend separate
schools
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, they will spend more time focusing on their
studies
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.
This
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 is because there will not be any opposite gender to be attracted to and to get involved in any affairs. The schooling hours will be fully utilised to learn something rather than being diverted from
studies
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 and spending time with the ones they might have an affair within the
school
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.
For example
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, in Nepal, students from St. Mary’s
Girls
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School
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 showed
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better academic performance than the
girls
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 who completed their
school
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 years at a co-educational institution.
However
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, I believe that
children
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 attending mixed
school
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 will learn to be more social in the future.
On the other hand
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, co-education is more beneficial for
children
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 because they will learn some social skills during their
school
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 years.
This
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 is to say that
children
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 of both genders will be allowed to have combined
studies
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 and will learn how to deal politely with a person of the opposite sex, an important skill which is highly accepted by society.
For example
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, boys who finished their
studies
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 at co-educational
schools
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 showed more courtesy towards ladies by offering some help when required.
For
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this
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 reason, it is better for
children
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 to attend mixed
schools
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 as it helps them to learn essential social skills. In conclusion, the two approaches to education have
importance
Replace the word
important
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 points.
However
Linking Words
 , in my opinion
Add the comma(s)
,
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application in combined
school
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 is more profitable for all students.

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task response
Though your essay presents a discussion on both views and gives your opinion, the introduction is a bit unclear. Make sure it clearly introduces both viewpoints before discussing each. For instance, rephrase to: 'Some people believe that boys and girls should be educated in separate schools, while others argue that they benefit more from attending mixed schools. This essay will discuss both perspectives and provide my own opinion.'
task response
While your points are valid, expanding and explaining them more comprehensively would enhance the essay's clarity. For instance, explain more on how co-education helps foster social skills.
coherence
Make sure to use transition phrases to maintain smooth flow between ideas. Words like 'Firstly,' 'On the contrary,' and 'Additionally' can help. Ending your body paragraphs with concluding sentences that reinforce your main points can also improve cohesion.
coherence
Consider using diverse vocabulary and complex sentence structures to improve readability and sophistication. For example, instead of 'For example, boys who finished their studies at co-educational schools showed more courtesy towards ladies by offering some help when required,' try 'To illustrate, boys who graduated from co-educational institutions demonstrated greater courtesy towards women, such as offering assistance when needed.'
conclusion
Your conclusion is quite brief. Summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion more clearly for a stronger impact.
task response
You have well-articulated ideas comparing both school systems, presenting a balanced perspective.
task response
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the reference to St. Mary's Girls School.
coherence
Your essay flows logically with clear paragraphing, and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which enhances readability.
conclusion
You offered a clear preference in your opinion, making it evident. This is essential in opinion-based essays.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
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