Some people believe that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, think that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Nowadays, some people think that boys and application in combined
girls
should be educated in separate schools
, and some of them believe the to generation need
to study in mixed Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
schools
. The both
opinions support each other.Remove the article
Both
Also
, they are a bit of benefits
side .
On the one hand, when boys and Correct article usage
a benefits
girls
attend separate schools
, they will spend more time focusing on their studies
. This
is because there will not be any opposite gender to be attracted to and to get involved in any affairs. The schooling hours will be fully utilised to learn something rather than being diverted from studies
and spending time with the ones they might have an affair within the school
. For example
, in Nepal, students from St. Mary’s Girls
School
showed a
better academic performance than the Correct article usage
apply
girls
who completed their school
years at a co-educational institution. However
, I believe that children
attending mixed school
will learn to be more social in the future.
On the other hand
, co-education is more beneficial for children
because they will learn some social skills during their school
years. This
is to say that children
of both genders will be allowed to have combined studies
and will learn how to deal politely with a person of the opposite sex, an important skill which is highly accepted by society. For example
, boys who finished their studies
at co-educational schools
showed more courtesy towards ladies by offering some help when required. For
this
reason, it is better for children
to attend mixed schools
as it helps them to learn essential social skills.
In conclusion, the two approaches to education have importance
points. Replace the word
important
However
, in my opinionAdd the comma(s)
,
school
is more profitable for all students.Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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task response
Though your essay presents a discussion on both views and gives your opinion, the introduction is a bit unclear. Make sure it clearly introduces both viewpoints before discussing each. For instance, rephrase to: 'Some people believe that boys and girls should be educated in separate schools, while others argue that they benefit more from attending mixed schools. This essay will discuss both perspectives and provide my own opinion.'
task response
While your points are valid, expanding and explaining them more comprehensively would enhance the essay's clarity. For instance, explain more on how co-education helps foster social skills.
coherence
Make sure to use transition phrases to maintain smooth flow between ideas. Words like 'Firstly,' 'On the contrary,' and 'Additionally' can help. Ending your body paragraphs with concluding sentences that reinforce your main points can also improve cohesion.
coherence
Consider using diverse vocabulary and complex sentence structures to improve readability and sophistication. For example, instead of 'For example, boys who finished their studies at co-educational schools showed more courtesy towards ladies by offering some help when required,' try 'To illustrate, boys who graduated from co-educational institutions demonstrated greater courtesy towards women, such as offering assistance when needed.'
conclusion
Your conclusion is quite brief. Summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion more clearly for a stronger impact.
task response
You have well-articulated ideas comparing both school systems, presenting a balanced perspective.
task response
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the reference to St. Mary's Girls School.
coherence
Your essay flows logically with clear paragraphing, and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which enhances readability.
conclusion
You offered a clear preference in your opinion, making it evident. This is essential in opinion-based essays.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?