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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate student who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#show #uk #graduate #student #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The supplied bar charts indicate how many
students
 with
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 or
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 degrees did not prefer to
work
 in full-time jobs after university in the United Kingdom in 2008. It can be clearly seen that the highest percentage of
students
 whether graduated or postgraduated tended to continue their
further
 study in the UK.
However
,
students
 did not choose to attend to voluntary
work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full-time in England over the period. In 2008, exactly 29,665
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduated
students
 liked to study
further
 in the UK, which was considerably more than the number of
postgraduated
Correct your spelling
postgraduate
 learners with 2,725 in the UK. (Which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the highest percentage of graduate and postgraduate
students
 over the period).
Moreover
, the number of
students
 with
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 who liked to
work
 in part-time jobs was 17,735, compared to the percentage of master scholars with 2,535
students
 in the United Kingdom in 2008.
In contrast
, both graduated and postgraduated
students
 did not prefer to
work
 in voluntary jobs in England in 2008 with 3500 and 345 learners, respectively. (Which were the least number of
students
 over the whole year).
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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