In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e.g literatures), boys tend to choose science subjects (e.g physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? Do you agree or disagree?

In some educational institutions, there is a significant trend where female

students

Use synonyms

select arts and

literratures

Correct your spelling

literatures

literature

males

Correct word choice

and males

show examples

are involved in science. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I describe the

backgounds

Correct your spelling

background

backgrounds

this

Linking Words

and the reasons why I vehemently believe that it should be improved. There are several factors which affect student's selection

Change preposition

show examples

their subjects based on

gender

Use synonyms

. The main one is that females and males have different preferences.

While

Linking Words

girls were more eager to learn emotional aspects, boys

desire

Wrong verb form

desired

show examples

to obtain practical knowledge on matters.

For instance

Linking Words

, to please others, the former tries to improve their abilities of drawing, singing, and writing, and the latter challenges to advance technology.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the social trend affects their subject choice. As many companies want to hire male engineers,

males

Change the noun form

male

show examples

students

Use synonyms

choose science rather than arts subjects. Personally, I claim that

this

Linking Words

this

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

skewed subject selection by

gender

Use synonyms

should be corrected.

This

Linking Words

mianly

Correct your spelling

mainly

because

this

Linking Words

will make

gender

Use synonyms

difference

Fix the agreement mistake

differences

show examples

more significant in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. Taking engineers as an example, as companies

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

employ more male

students

Use synonyms

than females, it will cause

unhealthier

Correct article usage

an unhealthier

show examples

balance in their numbers. It is likely to affect their salaries. Another justification is that

students

Use synonyms

will lose opportunities to mingle with the other

gender

Use synonyms

. Since classes for science and arts are

seperated

Correct your spelling

separated

, they will have fewer chances to discuss specific topics together.

Consequently

Linking Words

, they will not be able to know how the other think or address issues. In conclusion, there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

significant differences in what subjects are selected by

gender

Use synonyms

in some schools because of their

nature

Replace the word

natural

show examples

preference and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social

demand

Fix the agreement mistake

demands

show examples

. Regarding

this

Linking Words

tendency, I strongly argue that it should be changed from the viewpoint of alleviating the

gender

Use synonyms

discrepancy and encouraging them to know each other.

takuya13sugimoto

Sep 21, 2024

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task achievement

To improve your score, you might want to work on developing your main points more thoroughly. For instance, while you provided general reasons for gender-based subject choices, your arguments could be further strengthened with more specific examples or studies to back them up.

coherence cohesion

Try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Some of your transitions are quite abrupt. Using transitional phrases and ensuring a logical connection between sentences and paragraphs could help improve your coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

There are a few grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases. For example, 'literratures' should be 'literature,' 'this this' should be 'this,' 'mianly' should be 'mainly,' and 'seperated' should be 'separated.' Proofreading your essay or using grammar-checking tools could be beneficial.

task achievement

Consider more balanced views and counter-arguments to demonstrate comprehensive thinking. For example, acknowledging that not all female students prefer arts or that not all male students prefer sciences could add depth to your essay.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow your main points.

task achievement

You have provided a logical explanation for why the gender differences in subject choices exist, and you gave a clear opinion on why this should be changed.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

gender roles
stereotypes
unconsciously
proficiency
bias
segmentation
perceived
prevalent
encourage
influence
role models
early education
traditional norms
societal expectations
tendency

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In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e.g literatures), boys tend to choose science subjects (e.g physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? Do you agree or disagree?

The internet provides us with info about life and cultures of different countries and some say it is not necessary to visit them to learn about them. Do you agree or disagree?

It is important for everyone, including young people, yo save money for their future.

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is becoming increasingly expensive to keep museums open to public. What do you think is the best way of funding them (e.g. government, businesses or individuals)?