In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e.g literatures), boys tend to choose science subjects (e.g physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? Do you agree or disagree?
In some educational institutions, there is a significant trend where female
students
select arts and literratures
, Correct your spelling
literatures
literature
males
are involved in science. In Correct word choice
and males
this
essay, I describe the backgounds
of Correct your spelling
background
backgrounds
this
and the reasons why I vehemently believe that it should be improved.
There are several factors which affect student's selection on
their subjects based on Change preposition
of
gender
. The main one is that females and males have different preferences. While
girls were more eager to learn emotional aspects, boys desire
to obtain practical knowledge on matters. Wrong verb form
desired
For instance
, to please others, the former tries to improve their abilities of drawing, singing, and writing, and the latter challenges to advance technology. Additionally
, the social trend affects their subject choice. As many companies want to hire male engineers, males
Change the noun form
male
students
choose science rather than arts subjects.
Personally, I claim that this
this
skewed subject selection by Remove the redundancy
apply
gender
should be corrected. This
is mianly
because Correct your spelling
mainly
this
will make gender
difference
more significant in Fix the agreement mistake
differences
the
society. Taking engineers as an example, as companies Correct article usage
apply
will
employ more male Verb problem
apply
students
than females, it will cause unhealthier
balance in their numbers. It is likely to affect their salaries. Another justification is that Correct article usage
an unhealthier
students
will lose opportunities to mingle with the other gender
. Since classes for science and arts are seperated
, they will have fewer chances to discuss specific topics together. Correct your spelling
separated
Consequently
, they will not be able to know how the other think or address issues.
In conclusion, there is
significant differences in what subjects are selected by Change the verb form
are
gender
in some schools because of their nature
preference and Replace the word
natural
the
social Correct article usage
apply
demand
. Regarding Fix the agreement mistake
demands
this
tendency, I strongly argue that it should be changed from the viewpoint of alleviating the gender
discrepancy and encouraging them to know each other.Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To improve your score, you might want to work on developing your main points more thoroughly. For instance, while you provided general reasons for gender-based subject choices, your arguments could be further strengthened with more specific examples or studies to back them up.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Some of your transitions are quite abrupt. Using transitional phrases and ensuring a logical connection between sentences and paragraphs could help improve your coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
There are a few grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases. For example, 'literratures' should be 'literature,' 'this this' should be 'this,' 'mianly' should be 'mainly,' and 'seperated' should be 'separated.' Proofreading your essay or using grammar-checking tools could be beneficial.
task achievement
Consider more balanced views and counter-arguments to demonstrate comprehensive thinking. For example, acknowledging that not all female students prefer arts or that not all male students prefer sciences could add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow your main points.
task achievement
You have provided a logical explanation for why the gender differences in subject choices exist, and you gave a clear opinion on why this should be changed.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite