IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There are movements all over the world to prohibit smoking from buildings such as restaurants, bars, clubs, offices and other indoor spaces. People argue secondhand smoke is dangerous and that such laws protect public health. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#movements #world #buildings #restaurants #bars #clubs #offices #spaces #people #smoke #laws #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 threats
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 people around the world comes from
poisonous
Correct article usage
the poisonous
show examples
smoke
Use synonyms
 of
cigarrettes
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
. Around the world,
this
Linking Words
 awareness can be seen from many movements aiming to prohibit smoking in public premises in order to protect those who are considered
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
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smokers
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. Personally,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 measures
is
Change the verb form
are
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 proper and appropriate when it comes to
protect
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protecting
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 the individual's
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right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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 and
health
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. The extent is to be elaborated in the following. The
smoke
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 from the
cigarrettes
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
 contains the same hazardous particles: nicotine and other dangerous substances. The
toxics
Correct your spelling
toxins
show examples
 of the
smoke
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 damage the smoker's respiratory organs
such
Linking Words
 as
lungs
Correct article usage
the lungs
show examples
, and these dangerous substances
also
Linking Words
 harm those who do not
smoke
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 but breathe in the
smoke
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froating
Correct your spelling
floating
 in the air in
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area
Add an article
the area
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.
This
Linking Words
 is not fair for those
non
Add a hyphen
non-smokers
show examples
smokers
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 as they have to breathe in the
toxicated
Correct your spelling
intoxicated
 air into their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the law to prohibit
smokesr
Correct your spelling
smokers
smoker
to
Change preposition
from smoking
show examples
smoke
Use synonyms
 inside the building is to reduce the risk for people who do not
smoke
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.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is to show the respect
individaul's
Correct your spelling
individual's
individuals
right
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 as the public building is shared.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 specific
area
Use synonyms
 should be provided for
smokers
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. The smoker has the
right
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 to
smoke
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; if they are not allowed to
smoke
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 inside the building,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 designated smoking zone or
area
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 must be provided.
In other words
Linking Words
, the
area
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 for
smoke
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 needs to be outside the building and far away from the
non
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non-smokers
show examples
smokers
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. In conclusion, smoking harms and causes
health
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 issues. It has been aware that
smoke
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 from
cigarrettes
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
 can cause death and damage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
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. The law to protect
non
Add a hyphen
non-smokers
show examples
smokers
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 is to protect them from
harms
Correct article usage
the harms
show examples
 of toxic
smoke
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 or reduce the increase in the number of
smokers
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. When there is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 law to ban
smokers
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 in
pubilc
Correct your spelling
public
, the
area
Use synonyms
 for
smokers
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 is important to the
right
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 of
smokers
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 so that they can
smoke
Use synonyms
 but not impact or disrupt other people in the same
area
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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General
Your essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and taking a clear stance on the topic. However, you need to double-check for grammar errors and awkward phrasing to elevate the quality of your writing.
task achievement
Expand on the examples to make your arguments stronger. For instance, you can include statistics or specific studies on the harmful effects of secondhand smoke.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and structure. Using a mix of simple and complex sentences will improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and transitions smoothly into the next.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic and sets the stage for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your ideas well, ensuring each main point is addressed in a separate paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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