IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some peple think that adverts control what we purchase, while others think they are useful sources of information of products. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#peple #adverts #control #purchase #sources #information #products
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Some
people
 think advertisements influence what we choose to buy, but others think they have benefits, helping us to know the
products
 better. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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the negative impact adverts may
affect
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the potential
customers
, I personally think they are useful and can be used
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
. Commercials tend to pop up everywhere both physically and digitally. We can see them in print media, television, and online. Back in the
older
Correct word choice
old
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 days,
people
 even advertised through radio so
people
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 listen to it
while
 doing their activities.
The interesting
Correct article usage
Interesting
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 adverts can influence the
customers
 and make them think they need the
products
, sometimes even beyond their budgets. Young
people
 are the groups of buyers easily affected by commercials. They are easily hooked and interested in the
product
 once they see the adverts. With
an
Remove the article
apply
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access to money and the easiness of paying methods nowadays, these young
customers
 can over-purchase the
products
.
On the other hand
, commercials offer details of the
product
 so potential
buyer
Fix the agreement mistake
buyers
show examples
 can learn more about the
product
 before deciding to buy it. Shoppers who take their time to read the advertisement and use it to compare
between
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apply
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products
 can gain a lot of
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
. They can wisely decide which
product
 is suitable to their needs,
hence
 making advertisement a powerful tool
in
Change preposition
at
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 their disposal. In conclusion, advertisements can act as a beneficial tool
as well as
 a trap for
customers
. Potential buyer should be able to use it to their
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 as long as they can think thoroughly before deciding and not practice impulse buying.
Submitted by sheillarachmania12 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in the use of terms, such as sticking to either 'advertisements' or 'adverts' throughout the essay.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
supported main points
Expand on the supporting points with additional details to create more robust arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task with both sides of the argument discussed.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making the essay easy to follow.
clear comprehensive ideas
Key points are clear and align well with the topic, exhibiting a good understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer purchasing decisions
  • persuasive techniques
  • emotional appeals
  • celebrity endorsements
  • eye-catching visuals
  • impulsive buying
  • prioritization of wants over needs
  • valuable information
  • innovations
  • special offers
  • informed purchasing decisions
  • marketing campaigns
  • raise awareness
  • niche products
  • lesser-known brands
  • consumer behavior
  • consumer education
  • critically assess
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