Some people think the increasing use of technology in the workplace is good for young people's prospects of gaining a job and harder for old people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's fast-paced world, new
technology
can efficiently do a lot of things.
While
some
people
will
use
technology
in the
workplace
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is good for young
people
's
prospects
of gaining a
job
but harder for old
people
, some
people
argue that, and I
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
totally agree with that.
This
essay will discuss why I agree the increasing
use
of
technology
in the
workplace
is good for young
people
's
prospects
of gaining a
job
. One reason to agree is that young
people
, having grown up with modern
technology
, are often more adept at using new tools and can more easily adapt to rapid technological changes in the
workplace
.
For example
, many
software
and websites show up after the 2000s,
also
that is
the time many young
people
started to
use
computers and other
technology
. When young
people
can more easily adapt to rapid technological changes in the
workplace
, they can have more
prospects
of gaining a
job
.
Therefore
, It is important that old
people
need to get used to new tools.
Moreover
, many
job
roles today require proficiency in specific
software
and digital platforms which younger employees are more likely to be familiar with, thereby giving them an advantage.
For instance
, many young
people
start
useing
Correct your spelling
using
office
software
like: Word, PowerPoint and Excel when they are studying at university, and many course assignments need to
use
those
software
, after
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
need to
use
the same
software
in the
workplace
, and it is an advantage for young
people
. As
such
, young
people
will have more time to adapt
new
Change preposition
to new
show examples
tools and modern
technology
,
also
in college young
people
can practice the skill of specific
software
more than old
people
. In conclusion, young
people
have more innate advantages than old
people
,
such
as regular training and growing up with modern
technology
giving them a lot of advantages. Those reasons are why I agree the increasing
use
of
technology
in the
workplace
is good for young
people
's
prospects
of gaining a
job
. Ultimately, I think old
people
can be more live and learn in order to decrease the advantage gap between old
people
and young
people
.
Submitted by hibana2077 on

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language
Try to eliminate minor errors in grammar and word usage. For instance, instead of 'apply totally agree,' use 'completely agree.' This will make your essay more polished.
task response
Make sure to clearly articulate the opposing viewpoint as well. While you have focused on why you agree, briefly touching on the counterargument could make your essay more balanced and comprehensive.
coherence
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. For instance, sentences and paragraphs should transition smoothly from one to the next to improve coherence. Using transition words like 'Furthermore' and 'Additionally' can help improve the flow.
task response
Your essay clearly presents a standpoint and provides reasons for your agreement, which helps in supporting your main points well.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential components of a well-structured essay.
examples
Specific examples such as the use of Word, PowerPoint, and Excel among young people add strength to your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proficiency
  • adept
  • digital platforms
  • technological advancements
  • training and development programs
  • workplace diversity
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • perspectives
  • problem-solving
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