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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#show #study #students #age #groups #amount #support #employers #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar charts bar chart illustrates the major reasons for
study
 between students of different
age
 groups and the amount of
support
 from
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 to them. When
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 together, the information suggests that there are some
link
Fix the agreement mistake
links
show examples
 between
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. The majority of
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for
study base
Replace the word
studying based
show examples
 on
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of student is under 26 around 80% because they want to achieve their career
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
. Meanwhile, students
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
study
 for
interest
 only 10%. It correlates to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workplace assistance
due to
 the
employer
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 the biggest
back up
Correct your spelling
backup
show examples
 for under 26
age
 students who chase their profession
about
Change preposition
at about
show examples
 60% which is the highest.
The
Correct article usage
Employer
show examples
employer
support
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 two
association
Fix the agreement mistake
associations
show examples
 with the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
26
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 29 and 30 to 39
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the lower of
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who
study
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reach their career and the higher of people who
study
 for their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
, the Corporate assistance become less.
However
, in the
age
 of 40 to 49 and over 49, the numbers of workplace assistance
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not correlate with both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasons to
study
 because it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the same percentage approximately 40%
while
 the number of corporate
support
 increases around 45%. But, when the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
study
 for
interest
touch
Change the verb form
touches
show examples
 70%, the
employer
support
change
Change the verb form
changes
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 50%.
Overall
, the figures
suggests
Change the verb form
suggest
show examples
 a possible association between the number
young
Change preposition
of young
show examples
 and old
age
 to
study
 for
interest
 and career.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the correlation is not consistent.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words study, age, support, employer, interest with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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