IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #climate #change
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In present days, many
people
Use synonyms
 have
put
Verb problem
paid
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 much attention to
climate
Use synonyms
change
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 as a serious problem to human lives and
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
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. Because of that, some
people
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 argue it is really important to think about the solution
of
Change preposition
to
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 it
while
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 others do not think so.
Instead
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 of
live
Change the verb form
living
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 with it, I
preferably
Replace the word
prefer
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 to prevent
climate
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change
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.
This
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 essay will elaborate
how
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on how
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climate
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change
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 negative impacts on agriculture and
weather
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. First of all,
climate
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change
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
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 a significant effect
to
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on
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 agriculture, especially crops.
For example
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, because of
climate
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change
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,
a
Correct article usage
the
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 land in Indonesia can be so arid.
In
Change the preposition
On
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 the contrary, farmers need water from rainfall to
irigate
Correct your spelling
irrigate
 the ricefield. Not only that
,
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apply
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 but
also
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climate
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change
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 can make the
weather
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 unpredictable. Sometimes, some of ricefields in Indonesia
experienced
Replace the word
experience
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flood
Fix the agreement mistake
floods
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. Obviously,
this
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 is not good for food stocks.
Furthermore
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, the staple food of Indonesian
people
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 is rice.
Additionally
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, temperature and
weather
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 can easily
change
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 and it makes
people
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 are hard to decide what they must do
at
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on
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 that day.
For instance
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, a few days ago, me and my friend had a plan to go to a supermarket. Based on
Use synonyms
weather
Correct article usage
the weather
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 prediction on the phone, the
weather
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 was good.
However
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, when we
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
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 to go out, suddenly the rain was
fall
Wrong verb form
falling
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. Because of
this
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, we must
changed
Change the verb form
change
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 the plan.
Thus
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,
climate
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change
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 effects
until
Correct word choice
that
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 affect
everyday
Correct article usage
the everyday
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 activities of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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.
To conclude
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, some
people
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 think
to live
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about living
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 with
climate
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change
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instead
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 try to prevent it. Meanwhile, the negative impacts of
climate
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change
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 are so big.
Therefore
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,
people
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 must keep going to tackle
this
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 issue.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently relevant to your overall argument. Avoid digressions that may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Smoother transitions will enhance the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for good structure.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the situation in Indonesia, are relevant and help illustrate the points being made.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • climate change
  • prevent
  • adaptation
  • mitigation
  • cope with
  • effects
  • shift
  • mindset
  • lifestyle
  • balance
  • invest
  • research
  • technology
  • crucial
  • education
  • awareness
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