IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #climate #change
In present days, many
people
 have
put
Verb problem
paid
show examples
 much attention to
climate
change
 as a serious problem to human lives and
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
. Because of that, some
people
 argue it is really important to think about the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it
while
 others do not think so.
Instead
 of
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 with it, I
preferably
Replace the word
prefer
show examples
 to prevent
climate
change
.
This
 essay will elaborate
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
climate
change
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 negative impacts on agriculture and
weather
. First of all,
climate
change
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a significant effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 agriculture, especially crops.
For example
, because of
climate
change
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 land in Indonesia can be so arid.
In
Change the preposition
On
show examples
 the contrary, farmers need water from rainfall to
irigate
Correct your spelling
irrigate
 the ricefield. Not only that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
climate
change
 can make the
weather
 unpredictable. Sometimes, some of ricefields in Indonesia
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
flood
Fix the agreement mistake
floods
show examples
. Obviously,
this
 is not good for food stocks.
Furthermore
, the staple food of Indonesian
people
 is rice.
Additionally
, temperature and
weather
 can easily
change
 and it makes
people
 are hard to decide what they must do
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that day.
For instance
, a few days ago, me and my friend had a plan to go to a supermarket. Based on
weather
Correct article usage
the weather
show examples
 prediction on the phone, the
weather
 was good.
However
, when we
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 to go out, suddenly the rain was
fall
Wrong verb form
falling
show examples
. Because of
this
, we must
changed
Change the verb form
change
show examples
 the plan.
Thus
,
climate
change
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 effects
until
Correct word choice
that
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 affect
everyday
Correct article usage
the everyday
show examples
 activities of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
To conclude
, some
people
 think
to live
Change preposition
about living
show examples
 with
climate
change
instead
 try to prevent it. Meanwhile, the negative impacts of
climate
change
 are so big.
Therefore
,
people
 must keep going to tackle
this
 issue.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently relevant to your overall argument. Avoid digressions that may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Smoother transitions will enhance the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for good structure.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the situation in Indonesia, are relevant and help illustrate the points being made.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • climate change
  • prevent
  • adaptation
  • mitigation
  • cope with
  • effects
  • shift
  • mindset
  • lifestyle
  • balance
  • invest
  • research
  • technology
  • crucial
  • education
  • awareness
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