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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart compares 7 various factories that utilize ground and public water supply in a country. Data are expressed in millions of cubic meters.

The bar chart compares 7 various factories that utilize ground and public water supply in a country. Data are expressed in millions of cubic meters.
#bar #factories #ground #water #country #data #millions #meters
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This
Linking Words
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar chart illustrates the competition between seven types of factories which are utilized for ground or public water supply in a region.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 chart shows the highest level of competition between the lowest
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are seven categories which are fuel,foods,drinks,machinery,metal,
chemicals
Use synonyms
,paper and textiles.
Also
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
section
Add a comma
section,
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 we have the highest amount of
chemicals
Use synonyms
 when the machine is the lowest one.
Chemicals
Use synonyms
 have more measurement in the ground water classification than the other category with 430 cubic meters, but the lowest level in
this
Linking Words
 type of system is machinery which was only 10 meters.
Also
Linking Words
, in public supply
systems
Add a comma
systems,
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 the most useful equipment is
chemicals
Use synonyms
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
, but the unused things were
textile
Fix the agreement mistake
textiles
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 and fuel with 10 cubic meters.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, other things like
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
,drinks,metal and paper were in the middle range in
this
Linking Words
 case,
hence
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 shown picture we can see the difference between
this
Linking Words
 type of utilization on the ground and water
also
Linking Words
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chemicals with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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