IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is a debate that
university
Use synonyms
 scholars need
solely
Fix the infinitive
to solely
show examples
 focus on learning their
courses
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that learning additional study materials is necessary for campus
students
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. It seems to me that additional
courses
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 are crucial for
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay,
however
Linking Words
, will elaborate more on both sides. On the one side,
students
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 who give full-time to pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their degree subjects can achieve high grades. As they only study particular
courses
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
most of the time, they will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to pass the exams easily.
Additionally
Linking Words
, by learning a certain field, it will
leads
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lead
show examples
 them to have specialization
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the subject.
For example
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, in order to be a lecturer in Indonesia, a fresh graduate needs to complete a postgraduate degree in the same fields as their undergraduate qualification.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 will be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
difficult for some
students
Use synonyms
 since being a lecturer
needs
Verb problem
requires
show examples
 a high level of dedication
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 teaching. On the other side,
university
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 scholars who
eager
Add a missing verb
are eager
show examples
 to learn additional
courses
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 will have
benefit
Add an article
the benefit
a benefit
show examples
to improve
Change preposition
of improving
show examples
 their values after graduation. As they educate themselves
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 different topics in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schooling, it will
fosters
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foster
show examples
 their knowledge
wider
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
For instance
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, job employers prefer to hire graduates who have more knowledge generally in order to look for adaptive employees. By studying more subjects, the
students
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 are able to develop their understanding
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different issues
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 one time.
Hence
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, it will be an additional bargain value to offer to the recruiters. In conclusion, I personally believe that
while
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 who learn a particular course are able to
sharp
Replace the word
sharpen
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
certain
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 who want to learn extra subjects are more beneficial in terms of fostering different
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
show examples
 and quality improvement to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 job vacancies.

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task response
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both views and expresses a clear opinion. However, to enhance the 'Task Response' score, consider providing more specific examples to support your points (e.g., mentioning the types of additional subjects that could be beneficial).
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good, with clear paragraphs discussing each viewpoint. However, some sentences could be improved for better clarity. For instance, 'they will able to pass the exams easily' could be revised to 'they will be able to pass the exams more easily.'
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets up the debate and clearly indicates your opinion.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion is well-crafted, summarizing the main points and reinforcing your opinion.
supported main points
Each main point is supported with relevant examples and explanations, making your argument stronger.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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