IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In most successful organizations, some people believe that communications between managers and workers is important, other people said that other factors are more important. What is your opinion?

#organizations #people #communications #managers #workers #factors
There is no denying the fact that there are many factors that make an
organization
succeful
Correct your spelling
successful
. Whilst some argue that
communication
 in workplaces is important, some think that there are other elements that outweigh it.
This
 essay will
be talking
Wrong verb form
talk
show examples
 about the importance of
communication
 and how
business
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not
succeeds
Change the verb form
succeed
show examples
 when there is a lack of
communication
 between managers and their
workers
.
To begin
 with,
communication
 is key to
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
organization
.
Workers
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 be able to understand each other. And when there are
missunderstandings
Correct your spelling
misunderstandings
 in a workplace, it is most probably the reason a
business
 goes downhill.
For instance
, when my friend's family started their family
business
, there was no
communication
 between her father and uncle which caused the
business
 to shut down. Another thing to consider, when there is a lack of
communication
 in a workplace, it mostly means that
workers
 and managers are not completely comfortable with each other, which may cause a type on tension between
workers
.
Furthermore
, it may cause a huge amount of people to quit. A friendly atmosphere is another reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a
succefull
Correct your spelling
successful
business
.
For example
, when my brother got a part-time job, he quit a week
after
Rephrase
later
show examples
 because he could not handle the
invironment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and lack of
communication
. In conclusion, despite the different opinions people may have about how an
organization
 can be
succeful
Correct your spelling
successful
, I believe that we can all agree that a communicative
organization
, is a healthy and
succeful
Correct your spelling
successful
organization
.
Submitted by linamazenaytah on

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writing style
Improve sentence variety for better readability and interest. Avoid repetitive sentence structures.
language use
Work on spelling and grammar to avoid minor errors such as 'missunderstandings' and 'succefull.' Proofreading can help.
task response
Your argument is clear and well-presented, with a strong thesis statement.
support and examples
You've provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
structure
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication channels
  • collaboration
  • productivity
  • workplace harmony
  • issue resolution
  • escalate
  • organizational culture
  • motivation levels
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • feedback mechanisms
  • performance evaluations
  • fairness
  • transparency
  • criteria
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