IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Others prefer to livewith their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you prefer? Use reasons and examples to support your answer

#adults #independence #parents #livewith #families #time #situations #support
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It is considered that ages eighteen to twenty-six years old preferred to live alone and be
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
 from their parents, and some individuals think
otherwise
Linking Words
 that children must live with their families until they get married. Based on my
preferene
Correct your spelling
preference
preferences
, I like more living independently because it provides an opportunity to learn
life
Use synonyms
 skills
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and become
emotional
Change the word
emotionally
show examples
 ready.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, living with your parents provides security and comfort,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it will be hard for you to be successful
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your own
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because in the back of your
mind
Add a comma
mind,
show examples
 there is somebody that can back you up every time you
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
 living on your own
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 having
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom to decide like on your
foood
Correct your spelling
food
, and fashion style, yet you have a chance to discover
life
Use synonyms
 skills, like using public transportation,
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
 your financials,
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 your own laundry,
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
show examples
 your own
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 and many more.
Secondly
Linking Words
, living independently
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 you are
emotional
Change the adjective
emotionally
show examples
 ready to face and accept all the challenges in
life
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 you might seek the comfort and support
your
Change preposition
of your
show examples
 family during
this
Linking Words
 time
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it will make you much stronger,
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
 you to form
wider
Add an article
a wider
show examples
 social network. In conclusion, living away from your family provides self-developments and improvements in
life
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 living with parents
guarenteed
Correct your spelling
guarantees
 support and comfort, but the former
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
gives a
Use synonyms
life long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
show examples
leearning
Correct your spelling
learning
 that you can use until you get old.
Submitted by alyssa.cordero22 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the main points.
task achievement
The arguments presented are relevant to the topic and demonstrate a good understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • interdependence
  • financial burdens
  • emotional preparedness
  • proximity
  • individualism
  • family bonds
  • life skills
  • self-reliance
  • safety net
  • privacy
  • family support
  • cultural values
  • social network
  • diverse experiences
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