IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

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A group of
individials
Correct your spelling
individuals
 adhere to the view that the essential part of being wealthy is assisting people and some of them don't agree with that idea. I partially support
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint and I will elaborate my arguments in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs. On the one hand,
l
Use synonyms
 accept that individuals who have great financial resources help poor families or children because they ponder that
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
show examples
 of society is crucial .
For example
Linking Words
, wealthy pupils may support charitable organisations
such
Linking Words
 as
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
cancer charity
Correct your spelling
Cancer Charity
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 which assists sick humans.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , some can fund education
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 their citizens knowledgeable. Another reason why
l
Use synonyms
 support the riches should pay for
needed
Replace the word
needy
show examples
 persons is they feel more honour and valuable. Because sometimes making someone happy gives people a sense of fulfilment.
For instance
Linking Words
, the world's most prominent football player Christiano Ronaldo always says that
l
Use synonyms
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 to give a hand
pupils
Change preposition
to pupils
show examples
 with low conditions because it is the only reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 being delighted.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 true that some pupils don’t want to spend their income
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 others. There are several reasons
for example
Linking Words
, if someone wants to use their money on investments they can not purchase for the
poors
Correct your spelling
poor
 because investments demand a lot of money.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is feasible that some people do not consider one person enough
for providing
Change preposition
to provide
show examples
 money .
For instance
Linking Words
, there are many civilians in Africa who suffer from absences and it is difficult to help everyone in there. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
l
Use synonyms
 agree that wealthy citizens ought to assist
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
 class
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 contributing
civilisation
Change preposition
to civilisation
show examples
,
l
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 hold a view that each individual has his or her own unique rights and they may not share their wealth with others.

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task response
To enhance task response, ensure addressing all parts of the prompt comprehensively. A bit more balance between arguments for and against the statement would be advantageous.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical structure to make your arguments more seamlessly connected. Clear transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs can help achieve this.
task response
Continue to develop your main points further with specific details and examples for higher clarity and comprehensiveness. Strengthen each argument with concrete evidence.
task response
Introduction clearly states the writer's stance and outlines what the essay will cover.
coherence and cohesion
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas.
task response
Provided specific examples (e.g., Christiano Ronaldo and charitable organizations like American Cancer Charity) to support the arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
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