IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph below shows the consumption of fast food by Australian teenagers

The line graph below shows the consumption of fast food by Australian teenagers
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The graph illustrates
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of junk food from 1975 to 2000 by Australian teenagers.
Overall
Linking Words
,
frequency
Correct article usage
the frequency
show examples
 of eating pizza increased over the period given.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 go up continuously.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of consuming fish and chips is a downward trend. On the one hand,
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 begins
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 20% and
then
Linking Words
, in 1985,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of eating hamburgers
are dramatically increase
Change the verb form
are dramatically increased
are dramatically increasing
show examples
 to around 80%. After that, the
percentage
Use synonyms
are slowly rise
Change the verb form
slowly rises
show examples
 to about 100% in the
last
Linking Words
 year. Consumption of Pizza was seen in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar trend. ~
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
consuming
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fish and chips
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
 started to around 100%. But it decreases continuously to 40% in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Although
Linking Words
 it was
downtrend
Correct article usage
a downtrend
show examples
, from 1965 to 1990,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of buying fish and chips
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 growth
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 5%

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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