In these day, some people believe that the white collar worker must have a higher salary than the renowned athletes and artists. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
A lot of
people
around the world have been debating that the white collar
worker must paid more than Add a hyphen
white-collar
athletes
and artist
. It is difficult for some Fix the agreement mistake
artists
jobs
such
as doctors and lowyers
to accept having low Correct your spelling
lawyers
salaries
nowadays. It is agreed that white collar
Add a hyphen
white-collar
worker
must have more Fix the agreement mistake
workers
salaries
than the renowered
Correct your spelling
renowned
athletes
and artists
. In
Change preposition
This
this
essay, will discuss why some jobs
have a direct effect on human lives rather than just for entertainment.
firstly
, there is no scale in most countries of the world to decide which people
careers must paid more and Change noun form
people's
others
are not. Correct pronoun usage
which
However
, some jobs
such
as doctors and lowyers
have a huge impact on human lives because Correct your spelling
lawyers
people
need them at some point. Therefore
, individuals who are working in hospitals and courts must have more
Correct word choice
higher
salaries
due to
the effect they do
Verb problem
have
for
the communities.
Change preposition
on
Secondly
, athletes
and artists
who work hardly
to reach and achieve rewards and trophiesChange the word
hard
,
will have their Remove the comma
apply
lagacy
waiting for them Correct your spelling
legacy
at the end
of their journey. Moreover
, people
usually in their lesuire
time Correct your spelling
leisure
whatch
the Correct your spelling
watch
athletes
playing because it is the time to entertaine
and Correct your spelling
entertain
entertained
having
fun watching shows. Wrong verb form
have
In addition
, artists
who disclose their arts
will get paid to sell their collections of work for a fair price by Fix the agreement mistake
art
people
who just doing that for fun. Thus
, athletes
and artists
are connected to people
free time more than when Change noun form
people's
people
are sick or face a struggle in live
.
To summarise, Replace the word
life
although
that artist
and Fix the agreement mistake
artists
athletes
work so hard to be in the
front of Correct article usage
apply
people
to see them playing and showing their skills and abilities, it is clear that
jobs
like doctors and lowyers
have more potential Correct your spelling
lawyers
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
to
human lives. It is Change preposition
on
pridected
in the future that some countries will have some fair scales to judge who will deserve more Correct your spelling
predicted
salaries
.Submitted by 361109698 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, but it could benefit from more specific examples to support your arguments. Try to include concrete details to illustrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
Be sure to proofread your work to correct any grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. Making these corrections can enhance the clarity and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically. While your essay has a clear structure, some points need to be more effectively connected. Using transition words and phrases can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, and you effectively communicate your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You successfully address the task prompt by discussing the roles of both white-collar workers and athletes/artists. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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