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Band 5

Some people think the best way to stay fit is joining a gym/helath club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #gym #helath #club #activities #stairs
In
this
 busy world, for individuals, it has become difficult to keep themselves Healthy.few people think that it is beneficial to join a
health
club
 to stay fit
while
 others think that walking and climbing stairs is enough.In
this
 essay, I will discuss both points of view.As far As I'm concerned,
I'm strongly agree
Change the verb form
I strongly agree
show examples
 with the former notion . On the one hand,some people argue that joining a
health
club
 is more important than daily
activities
 because going to a
health
club
 keeps you mentally and physically fresh sometimes you feel bored being in the same place
additionally
 it can be helpful professionally
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
 some workplace requires field work
however
 you have to go outside from your workplace that's why going to
health
club
 keeps you physically and professionally healthy.
On the other hand
, there are other people who are against the idea that joining a
health
club
 is more important than daily
activities
 at
home
 like walking and climbing the stairs because they think that these types of physical
activities
 can be done at
home
 by yourself
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 there is no need to go in
health
Add an article
the health
a health
show examples
club
.
However
, they think that it is a waste of time to go
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
health
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
club
 because they have other
activities
 to do at
home
 like washing and cleaning
therefore
 it is useful to do everyday
activities
 at
home
 .
To sum up
, both points of view have their own pros and cons sometimes it's better to go to a
health
club
while
 sometimes it's better to do physical
activities
 at
home
however
 I strongly agree that it is the best way to join the
health
club
.
Submitted by madihaali8470 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate paragraphs with spacing and use linking words and phrases to improve readability and flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will not only demonstrate your understanding but also make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammar and punctuation errors to enhance the professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both perspectives on the topic and provided your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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