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Band 3

The tabel below shows the number of temporary migrant workers in four countries in 2003 and 2006 and the number of these workers per 1,000 people in these countries in 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

#tabel #workers #four #countries #people #information #features #comparisons
The table presents the ratio of non-permanent refugee employees in four different countries, New
Zealand
, The United Kingdom, Australia and The
Unite
Correct your spelling
United
show examples
 States in 2003 and 2006, and the aggregate of
these laborer
Change the determiner
this laborer
these laborers
show examples
 per 1,000 people in these countries in 2006.
Overall
, all the countries had an increase in the number of short-term migrant labour, the United
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
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 remained the country with the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
 figure.
However
, New
Zealand
 composed the highest number per one thousand people in 2006. In 2003, the alien workers in The US accounted
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 577000 before
increaing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 to 678000 in 2006.
Subsequently
, Australia saw a growth, with the former rising from 152000 to 219000 and the UK grew from 137000 to 266000. New
Zealand
 commenced at 65000
worker
Change to a plural noun
workers
show examples
 in 2003 , going up to 87000 in 2006. In the trend of temporary refugee employees per 1000 people in 2006, New
Zealand
 ranked
first,
at 21.1., followed by Australia at 10.7 and the United Kingdom at 4.4. The United
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
 was the lowest, which stood at 2.3
Submitted by noyaletuna on

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task achievement
Ensure consistent use of terminology. In your essay, the terms 'temporary migrant workers' and 'non-permanent refugee employees' were both used. It is better to stick to one term to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'highest' instead of 'higest' and 'United States' instead of 'Unite States'.
task achievement
Highlight and explain the importance of trends more clearly. For instance, why is New Zealand having the highest number per thousand people significant? Providing implications or reasons can deepen your analysis.
task achievement
Your essay effectively presented the data and made comparative statements, which show a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
You structured the essay in a logical manner by describing the overall trends first and then going into specific details for each country.
task achievement
The essay included all the necessary data points, giving a complete overview of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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