IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fast-paced modern lifestyles have led to people eating more and more fast food at the expense of more traditional meals. Do the advantages of eating more fast food outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, the
energy
Use synonyms
 problem is very important, so we will all have
responsibility
Use synonyms
 for
save
Replace the word
saving
show examples
energy
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. I less agree saving
energy
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 is the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
government
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 have a
responsibility
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 to save
energy
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. In the
world
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 now
is
Verb problem
we do
show examples
 not have a
lot
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 of
energy
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 to give us
use
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,
then
Linking Words
 it will affect our life in the future
such
Linking Words
 as we can not cook or the car can not move, so the
government
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 need to do something to save
energy
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such
Linking Words
 as to teach all
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
 less
energy
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 and to find some new
energy
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such
Linking Words
 as
use
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 water or the
sun
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 to make
energy
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. If
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
use
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sun
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 and water to make
energy
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 it can save
energy
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 and let humans
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have
energy
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 to
use
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 and it is
also
Linking Words
 good for the
nerment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Moreover
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, if just the
government
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 saves
energy
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then
Linking Words
 it will be slow, so
people
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 who live in the
world
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also
Linking Words
 have the
responsibility
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 to save
energy
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.
People
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 can
use
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 less
energy
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 at home
for example
Linking Words
 they turn off things they don't
use
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.
Also
Linking Words
,
people
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 can put a product that can
use
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Use synonyms
sun's
Correct article usage
the sun's
show examples
 heat to make
energy
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 outside their home to help
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 make new
energy
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 and save
energy
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.
In addition
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, at school teachers can teach the
students
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 what the effect on us and the
world
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about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 using a
lot
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 of
energy
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. It can let
students
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 know
Correct article usage
the important
show examples
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of saving
energy
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, teach
students
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 to
use
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 less
energy
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 and more new reused
energy
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such
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 as
sun
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 or water and what they can do to save
energy
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for example
Linking Words
 when children go outside with their family can sit on the bus or MTR do not drive the car for themselves. When a
lot
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 of
people
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 do
this
Linking Words
, that decreases using a
lot
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 of
energy
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. At school
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
teaches
Correct subject-verb agreement
teach
show examples
students
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 to talk to their dad and mum,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 do it together,
then
Linking Words
 it can save a
lot
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 of
energy
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.
To conclude
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, saving
energy
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 is not the
responsibility
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 of the
government
Use synonyms
, all humans who live in the
world
Use synonyms
 do together can save
energy
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 quickly.

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task response
Try to start with a clearer introduction that directly states your stance on the topic. For instance, whether you agree or disagree with the statement should be made clear from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay briefly before presenting your final opinion.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance clarity, ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and connect the ideas using transitional words such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'Therefore.'
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, elaborate on how using solar panels can save energy or how government policies could promote energy conservation.
task response
The essay addresses the topic and covers several relevant points related to energy conservation responsibilities.
coherence and cohesion
The discussion is logically structured with separate paragraphs for government responsibility, individual responsibility, and the role of education.
task response
The examples provided are relevant, such as the use of solar and water energy as alternatives and practical tips for saving energy at home.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-efficient
  • quick service
  • economical
  • cost-effective
  • diversity of cuisine
  • flavorful
  • nutritional deficit
  • obesity
  • heart disease
  • cultural erosion
  • packaging waste
  • ecological footprint
  • family dynamics
  • healthier alternatives
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • traditional meals
  • take-out culture
  • trans fat content
  • caloric intake
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