The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. 

summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The given charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
how much greenhouse gas is produced
along with
energy consumption by domestic devices in an average Australian habitation.
Overall
, in terms of
energetic
Replace the word
energy
show examples
usage, heating ,either the environment or water
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
the most used. In fact, warming up the house is related to 42% of all energy consumption,
while
, water heating is a bit less than a third.
Therefore
, combining refrigeration, cooling and lighting we obtain a bit more than a tenth of
overall
consumption.
Lastly
, 15% used other
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
show examples
is left
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
, regarding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
emissions water heating and other appliances combined cause exactly 60% of all emissions.
Consequently
, they are the most polluting items on the list. In
constrast
Correct your spelling
contrast
, cooling and lighting are the most efficient, consuming respectively three and eight points
perctentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
the end, between
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
there are heating and refrigeration since they emitted fifteen and fourteen
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of gas produced.
Submitted by alessandro.talese on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • categorizes
  • constitutes
  • portion
  • substantial majority
  • energy efficiency
  • potentially
  • contributors
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • noticeable shift
  • proportion
  • relative contribution
  • disproportionate emissions
  • environmental impact
  • inefficiencies
  • highlight
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