IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people consider prices as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree

#people #prices #product #cell #phone #service #eg #treatment
There is no doubt that these days some people consider
prices
 as
most
Add an article
the most
a most
show examples
 important thing to think about when buying products or services. The question is, what is my opinion? do I agree or not? I'm going to clarify my point of view and draw my own conclusion. Thinking about
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
prices
Fix the agreement mistake
price
show examples
 is the most essential thing
either
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
when buying a product or service, it
based
Add a missing verb
is based
show examples
 on the quality that you want for yourself, and your financial capacity. As an illustration, when
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person
seek
Correct subject-verb agreement
seeks
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
medical treatment, as we all know, generally gaining
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional medical treatment will
costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
 many, from my side if the person has the capacity to give that fee, why not? Simply, there is a trade-off, to have a perfect medical treatment - healthcare-, usually
pay
Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
show examples
 more, and in that time the price will not be a crucial thing.
On the other hand
, other luxuries that
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
realated
Correct your spelling
related
 to people's health, education, and
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 significant thing in their life,
prices
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
 as an important thing to look for. As is evident nowadays, cell
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
prices
 yearly
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 in a high range, each year a new version
used to
Verb problem
is
show examples
release
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
 and
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 price hits the thousands just for a tiny feature that has been added to it. People
mus
Correct your spelling
must
show examples
 evaluate things that they want,
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 it really deserve
this
 price? do I strongly desire it? In conclusion,
prices
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
 as
a critical things
Correct the article-noun agreement
critical things
a critical thing
show examples
 in some situations,
such
 as things that just want to contain them, they are not key ones.
While
, the other conditions, like healthcare, education ,etc. Spending money on them will not cause
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regret, cause of their
reflect
Replace the word
reflection
show examples
 will be shown in the future.
Submitted by aldanhfahd.afa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides an opinion but lacks depth in exploring various perspectives. Try to include more detailed explanations and examples to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting ideas more smoothly. Use cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, in addition) to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to edit your work for grammar and lexical accuracy to convey your ideas more clearly. Misused words or incorrect grammar can sometimes make your meaning unclear.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Main points are supported, though they could be developed further with more examples and explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: