IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for qualification Discuss both these views and give youn own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification #youn
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Some
students
 at
Correct article usage
the teritary
show examples
teritary
Correct your spelling
tertiary
 level prefer to learn more about different
subjects
besides
 their primary ones
while
 others say that more attention should be given to studying to earn a degree. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss both sides and express my own viewpoint. On the one hand, studying other
subjects
 can
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
show examples
 to the
students
.
Firstly
, when the
students
 learn other
subjects
, it can help to build up their experiences by providing more holistic knowledge
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own lives.
This
 means that these
students
 can have better knowledge to solve problems in real life, not just from their main
subjects
.
As a result
, they can stand a better chance of being recruited in the future.
Secondly
,
students
'
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 can be enhanced with the addition of learning other
subjects
.
While
 learning mainly for the degree can sometimes be boring and devastating, pursuing knowledge from other
subjects
 can be a way to help learners reduce stress and other forms of boredom.
Thus
, learning
subjects
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not directly related to your major is advantageous.
On the other hand
, I believe that focusing solely on studying for qualification can have more positive aspects.
While
 learning
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
subjects
 can complement the main
subjects
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expertise in the field is what
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers value when looking for job applicants.
Therefore
, it is necessary for learners to put more effort into their main
subjects
 to gain better insights into their future profession. It is,
therefore
, supporting them in the long run.
To conclude
,
while
 I agree that
students
 who study other
subjects
besides
 their main ones can be
benficial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to a certain degree, more attention to their main
subjects
 is required to ensure better employment opportunities.
Submitted by loponkienpham on

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your arguments. This can make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate your ability to apply theoretical concepts to real-life situations.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and complexity of your ideas. While your points are clear, they could be developed further to add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas. This can improve the overall flow of your essay and make it easier to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are well-supported. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
introduction conclusion
The introduction clearly states both sides of the argument and sets up the structure of the essay.
introduction conclusion
The essay concludes by summarizing both perspectives and providing the author's own opinion, making it clear and concise.
supported main points
The main points in each paragraph are generally supported and relevant to the topic, showing a good understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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