The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
There is no denying the fact that kids who eat a lot
has
increased by 20%. Correct subject-verb agreement
have
This
essay will discuss the reasons for this
and the effects in the future
.
To begin
with, there are many causes for this
bad trend. Firstly
, these years with the improvement of technology children used
to it. Add a missing verb
are used
In other words
, they sit all day and eat without doing any exercise and that will effect
them badly. Correct your spelling
affect
In addition
, the western community knowed
by eating a lot. Correct your spelling
known
For example
, I know someone in
Change preposition
on
western
side who tells me everything and he Add an article
the western
a western
is saying
that most of Wrong verb form
says
people
there Add an article
the people
spent
their time Wrong verb form
spend
by
just eating, Change preposition
apply
no
other activity to do or any exercise.
In terms of effects, our children will sacrifice their Change preposition
with no
brain
just by eating. Fix the agreement mistake
brains
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
also
possible to say that sitting all day playing or watching tv
will Correct your spelling
TV
effect
your brain badly in the Correct your spelling
affect
future
. Moreover
, In terms of money, food will take a place there because the children will rise up with just eating, that
will Correct pronoun usage
which
effect
the family situation to something bad in the Correct your spelling
affect
future
. For instance
, There is a story to
a kid who Change preposition
about
rised
Correct your spelling
risked
up
eating everything all over him, his family could not afford the Change preposition
apply
enough
food he Correct determiner usage
apply
want
, so they ended up broke with no money.
In conclusion, there are many reasons for Wrong verb form
wanted
this
bad trend but, they will suffer in the future
if they did
not stop. It is Wrong verb form
do
also
true that it have
many bad effects Change the verb form
has
to
the brain or even the money situation.Change preposition
on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that points are clearly structured within paragraphs. For example, each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, include statistical data or specific studies to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical and vocabulary accuracy. Practice using more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary to increase clarity and precision.
task achievement
The essay covers multiple causes and effects of the increase in overweight children, aiming to address the task comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear effort to organize the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The writer attempts to include examples to elucidate points, which is a good practice for illustrating ideas.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?