IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Question-fossil fuel ,such as coal, oil and natural gas, are the main source for many countries however some nations are using alternative energy such as solar power and wind powe. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#question-fossil #fuel #oil #gas #source #countries #nations #alternative #energy #power #wind #powe #development
Nowadays
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
countries
 in the world utilise non-renewable
energy
 as their main source
whereas
 some developed
countries
such
 as the UK use eco-friendly
energy
 sources like
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and wind. In my point of view, there are more pros than cons. The overuse of greenhouse
energy
 has brought us many consequences.
For example
, global warming and air pollution are the main concerns of the world. In order to get fossil fuels, factories emit a huge amount of carbon gases.
As a result
, people are suffering from diseases
often
Correct quantifier usage
more often
show examples
 than they used to. But there is one strong argument: they are not dependent on the weather.
On the other hand
, there are renewables that absolutely have no harm to humanity.
In addition
, it could reduce carbon footprint significantly,
also
 mitigate climate change.
For instance
, surveys showed that in the
countries
 that use 'green
energy
', individuals are healthier than others. Unfortunately, alternative
energy
 sources
also
 have their disadvantages. As I said above it depends on the weather, if it is cloudy outside, that means there will be no electricity. The reason why many
countries
 are not using these environmentally friendly sources is
hide
Change the verb form
to hide
hiding
show examples
 behind their costs. It is super expensive.
To sum up
, there are drawbacks like the unstable flow of
energy
 and high cost,
while
 it has an overwhelming impact on
Correct article usage
the environments
show examples
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
show examples
such
 as decreasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
carbon emissions and mitigation of climate change.
Submitted by oglanbek.b08 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of ideas. For example, the transition between discussing the overuse of greenhouse energy and renewable energy could be smoother. Consider using more linking words and phrases to show contrast or continuation.
task achievement
Though you mentioned key points, providing more detailed and specific examples could strengthen your argument. This will also help to better illustrate your points.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your viewpoint, which helps establish a good foundation for the essay.
task achievement
The essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages of using renewable energy, indicating a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your viewpoint, providing a clear closure to the essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • mitigate climate change
  • renewable energy
  • economic growth
  • investment in infrastructure
  • energy security
  • technological advancement
  • finite nature
  • sustainability
  • continuous energy supply
What to do next:
Look at other essays: