The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram below gives information about the steps for manufacturing
sugar
. We can see that there are 7
process
Change to a plural noun
processes
show examples
to make
sugar
from
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
. The
manufactoring
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
process
is occurred
Change to the active voice
occurs
has occurred
show examples
in both
field
Change to a plural noun
fields
show examples
for plantation and factory for
manufaction
Correct your spelling
manufacture
.
To begin
with, it takes time for the growing span of
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
, which takes about 12 to 18 months. When matured, they are harvested by
famers
Correct your spelling
farmers
manually using a knife-like tool
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and are delivered to
factory
Add an article
the factory
show examples
by trucks. In the factory,
suar
Correct your spelling
sugar
canes are crushed by machines and
turning
Wrong verb form
turned
show examples
into juice. The
forth
Correct your spelling
fourth
show examples
step is filtering from limestone in order to purify the juice. After the purification, the juice is heated in the evaporator and becomes syrup
due to
the high temperature. The syrup is
then
filled in the centrifuge to separate
sugar
crystals from the liquid.
Finally
, the
last
manufaturing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
step is drying and cooling the crystals, which become the finished goods,
sugar
.
Submitted by lovesonya0227 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: