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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relecant.

The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relecant.
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The figure illustrates the manufacturing process of instant noodles. There are eight stages in the process, beginning with the production of
dough
Use synonyms
 from the mixture of flour, water, and oil. The
dough
Use synonyms
 is
then
Linking Words
 shaped into discs before they are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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fried and packed into cups with the condiments
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
finally
Linking Words
labeled
Change the spelling
labelled
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 and sealed to be distributed to the market.
Firstly
Linking Words
, flour is stored in storage silos before it is delivered to the mixer, in which it is being mixed with oil and water to create
dough
Use synonyms
. The
dough
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 is
then
Linking Words
 put on a roller
machine
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 to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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dough
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 sheets. The next steps involve a
machine
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 that cuts the
dough
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 sheets into strips
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 before they are shaped into noodle discs.
The following step is
Linking Words
 transferring the noodle discs to a drying
machine
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 to cook them using oil. The dried noodles are
then
Linking Words
 put into cups with vegetables and spices.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they are passed to the labelling
machine
Use synonyms
, followed by the sealing process and
finally
Linking Words
 ready to be distributed to the market.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dough, machine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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