The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relecant.

The diagram below shows  how instant noodles are manufactured.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relecant.
The figure illustrates the manufacturing process of instant noodles. There are eight stages in the process, beginning with the production of
dough
from the mixture of flour, water, and oil. The
dough
is
then
shaped into discs before they are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fried and packed into cups with the condiments
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
finally
labeled
Change the spelling
labelled
show examples
and sealed to be distributed to the market.
Firstly
, flour is stored in storage silos before it is delivered to the mixer, in which it is being mixed with oil and water to create
dough
. The
dough
is
then
put on a roller
machine
to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dough
sheets. The next steps involve a
machine
that cuts the
dough
sheets into strips
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
before they are shaped into noodle discs.
The following step is
transferring the noodle discs to a drying
machine
to cook them using oil. The dried noodles are
then
put into cups with vegetables and spices.
Furthermore
, they are passed to the labelling
machine
, followed by the sealing process and
finally
ready to be distributed to the market.
Submitted by averinasandra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words dough, machine with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: