IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.

The pie chart below shows the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.
#percentage #people #occupations #uk #town #ashby
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The above two pie
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
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reveals
Correct subject-verb agreement
reveal
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 data on the proportion of people in different occupations with
a
Change the article
an
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aged
Replace the word
age
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 range between 23 to 65 in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
a UK
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 town (
Ashby
Use synonyms
) compared
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to the whole
UK
Use synonyms
 citizens in the year 2008. The most significant feature is the percentage of personal service was the highest among in
Ashby
Use synonyms
 town.
Linking Words
While the
Correct word choice
The
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 strongest score in
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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UK
Use synonyms
 was related to office
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 and personal service.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the weakest score in
Ashby
Use synonyms
 was the professional work and unemployed,construction
works
Replace the word
workers
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 in the
UK
Use synonyms
 as a whole. It is noticeable that the number of people who are employees in professional and technical jobs
shows
Verb problem
has
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 dramatically
grew
Wrong verb form
grown
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 from 9 and 8 in
Ashby
Use synonyms
 to 17 and 14
on
Change preposition
in
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whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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UK
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of construction and unemployed are sharply
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
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 from 16,14 in
Ashby
Use synonyms
 to 10 in the
UK
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, office and shop workers remained stable with the same range
18
Change preposition
of 18
show examples
 to 19 and 14 to 13.
Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, ashby with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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