IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.

The pie chart below shows the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.
#percentage #people #occupations #uk #town #ashby
The above two pie
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
reveals
Correct subject-verb agreement
reveal
show examples
 data on the proportion of people in different occupations with
a
Change the article
an
show examples
aged
Replace the word
age
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 range between 23 to 65 in
UK
Correct article usage
a UK
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 town (
Ashby
) compared
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to the whole
UK
 citizens in the year 2008. The most significant feature is the percentage of personal service was the highest among in
Ashby
 town.
While the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 strongest score in
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
UK
 was related to office
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 and personal service.
Furthermore
, the weakest score in
Ashby
 was the professional work and unemployed,construction
works
Replace the word
workers
show examples
 in the
UK
 as a whole. It is noticeable that the number of people who are employees in professional and technical jobs
shows
Verb problem
has
show examples
 dramatically
grew
Wrong verb form
grown
show examples
 from 9 and 8 in
Ashby
 to 17 and 14
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
UK
.
In contrast
, the percentage of construction and unemployed are sharply
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 from 16,14 in
Ashby
 to 10 in the
UK
.
However
, office and shop workers remained stable with the same range
18
Change preposition
of 18
show examples
 to 19 and 14 to 13.
Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, ashby with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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