IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart provides information about seven categories of employment among adults in 2003 and 2013

The bar chart provides information about seven categories of employment among adults in 2003 and 2013
The provided bar chart gives information about the number of adults, which were employed in the US over a ten-year
period
Use synonyms
 between 2003 and 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obviously seen that at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
 amount of adults the most popular employment was
business
Use synonyms
, than others. End of the
period
Use synonyms
 self -
employmend
Correct your spelling
employment
employed
 compared with
business
Use synonyms
, even became more.
The another
Remove the article
Another
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 interesting fact, education training, the hotel industry, the building industry, and the self-employment sector
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased over
this
Linking Words
 ten-year
period
Use synonyms
. The unemployment rate significantly dropped during
this
Linking Words
 time. Getting back to the details in 2003 adult population that
employed
Add a missing verb
was employed
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 was 45%.The second most popular employment category was medical.
Hotel
Correct article usage
The hotel
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 industry, building and
another
Replace the adjective
other
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 categories were less popular than
business
Use synonyms
 and medical. The other categories reached only up to 10%. in 2013 the fractions of
business
Use synonyms
 and
self employed
Add a hyphen
self-employed
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 were almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 between 27% and 32%. The least popular employment categories were unemployed adults and medical

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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, business with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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