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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of graduates who do not have a job between 20 to 24 , in one European country in separate eight
months
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 from 2088 to 2009. At first glance, it is obvious the total unemployment of graduates increased during these two years.
First,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

men's percentage started by 10 per cent in Jan 08. It had a slight fall in seven
months
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in October of 2008, the percentage reached around 17 per cent which means they had a sharp increase in only 3 calendar
months
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Later, in the next year, the number of boys who were unemployed
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was

It seems that the verb were does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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almost
Rephrase
apply

There may be an adverb issue here.

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approximately 23 per cent.
second,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the women who always did a job in 2088 and 2009 were more than men. Statistically, in all 8
months
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, the proportion of girls was under half of men except in July of 2009.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, all the changes for both genders were the same. Clearly, in the first statistics they faced with drop
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the chart saw more unemployment until the
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 month of the chart.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words months with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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