IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governmnents must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governmnents #services
The government
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 given to
arts
, like theatre and music, is considered a bad financial decision.
Instead
, it is a much better decision to allocate the money to fund public
services
. I partly agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement and I will explain below. Public
services
, mainly infrastructure, benefit
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
people
 in many countries. The money which the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 allocates to build tunnels, fly-overs and
highway
Fix the agreement mistake
highways
show examples
satifies
Correct your spelling
satisfies
 a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of
people
 in the country.
Moreover
, public transportations
also
 help
people
 to commute without the need
of having
Change preposition
to have
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 their own vehicle. Singapore is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 prime example of a country that has
great
Add an article
a great
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 allocation
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 money to provide public
services
. The country has options
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 public transportation,
such
 as
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
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 and MRT, and they build
roof
Fix the agreement mistake
roofs
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pedestrian
Fix the agreement mistake
pedestrians
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 to walk without having to worry about
weather
Correct article usage
the weather
show examples
.
As a result
,
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 investment
aiming
Wrong verb form
aimed
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
general
Add an article
the general
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 public brings more advantages than just focusing on one area of interest. Governments can
also
 invest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
arts
 if they wish, but they need to benefit the general public as well. They can build an art centre for
everyone
, which can
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 to develop
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 skills and to exhibit their talent. Providing a place for development for those who are interested in
arts
, and
also
 offering new
form
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forms
show examples
 of entertainment for
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public is the best way to fund a specific area of interest.
For example
, an annual event
that is
 held in Medan named 'PRSU' is known to introduce new talents from the city where they perform interesting musical performances which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 free for
everyone
 to come and see.
Therefore
, it is not only artists who get the advantages, but
everyone
 can
also
 enjoy the
arts
. In conclusion,
while
 it is true that
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 needs to prioritize public
services
 rather than
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, I believe that if they combine the two ideas and create an art centre to benefit
everyone
 and not only a limited number of
people
, it would bring advantages to both parties.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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task achievement
To enhance the strength of your arguments, ensure that each main point is supported with more detailed and specific examples. This will make your essay more convincing and substantive.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical and spelling errors, such as correct the spelling of 'fundings' to 'funding,' 'satifies' to 'satisfies,' and 'convinient' to 'convenient.' Improving accuracy will contribute positively to readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and consistent structure with a logical flow of ideas. Both introduction and conclusion nicely frame the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both aspects of the question and provided a balanced view. Your ideas are clear and relevant.
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