IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governmnents must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governmnents #services
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The government
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
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 which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 given to
arts
Use synonyms
, like theatre and music, is considered a bad financial decision.
Instead
Linking Words
, it is a much better decision to allocate the money to fund public
services
Use synonyms
. I partly agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will explain below. Public
services
Use synonyms
, mainly infrastructure, benefit
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in many countries. The money which the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 allocates to build tunnels, fly-overs and
highway
Fix the agreement mistake
highways
show examples
satifies
Correct your spelling
satisfies
 a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 in the country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, public transportations
also
Linking Words
 help
people
Use synonyms
 to commute without the need
of having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
 their own vehicle. Singapore is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 prime example of a country that has
great
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a great
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 allocation
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 money to provide public
services
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. The country has options
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 public transportation,
such
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 as
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
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 and MRT, and they build
roof
Fix the agreement mistake
roofs
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pedestrian
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pedestrians
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 to walk without having to worry about
weather
Correct article usage
the weather
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 investment
aiming
Wrong verb form
aimed
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
general
Add an article
the general
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 public brings more advantages than just focusing on one area of interest. Governments can
also
Linking Words
 invest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
arts
Use synonyms
 if they wish, but they need to benefit the general public as well. They can build an art centre for
everyone
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, which can
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 to develop
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 skills and to exhibit their talent. Providing a place for development for those who are interested in
arts
Use synonyms
, and
also
Linking Words
 offering new
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
 of entertainment for
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public is the best way to fund a specific area of interest.
For example
Linking Words
, an annual event
that is
Linking Words
 held in Medan named 'PRSU' is known to introduce new talents from the city where they perform interesting musical performances which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 free for
everyone
Use synonyms
 to come and see.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is not only artists who get the advantages, but
everyone
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 enjoy the
arts
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is true that
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 needs to prioritize public
services
Use synonyms
 rather than
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, I believe that if they combine the two ideas and create an art centre to benefit
everyone
Use synonyms
 and not only a limited number of
people
Use synonyms
, it would bring advantages to both parties.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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task achievement
To enhance the strength of your arguments, ensure that each main point is supported with more detailed and specific examples. This will make your essay more convincing and substantive.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical and spelling errors, such as correct the spelling of 'fundings' to 'funding,' 'satifies' to 'satisfies,' and 'convinient' to 'convenient.' Improving accuracy will contribute positively to readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and consistent structure with a logical flow of ideas. Both introduction and conclusion nicely frame the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both aspects of the question and provided a balanced view. Your ideas are clear and relevant.
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