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Band 5.5

The pie charts compare the amount of online shopping sales for retail parts in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Moreover, those are divided into four categories: travel, film/music, book, and clothes.

The pie charts compare the amount of online shopping sales for retail parts in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Moreover, those are divided into four categories: travel, film/music, book, and clothes.
The graphs show the number of shopping rates for retail stores
according to
Linking Words
 the four types:
travel
Use synonyms
, film/
music
Use synonyms
, book, and
clothes
Use synonyms
 in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013 years.
Overall
Linking Words
,
travel
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
/films are more than half of the
sales
Use synonyms
 in two years.
Then
Linking Words
, books and
clothes
Use synonyms
 are less contributing factors than others. On the one hand,
travel
Use synonyms
 is the most dominant sector with 36 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2003,
whereas
Linking Words
 film/
music
Use synonyms
 provided 33 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
clothes
Use synonyms
 are the predominant section among others which gave 24 per
cent
Use synonyms
 benefits in 2003 ,
while
Linking Words
travel
Use synonyms
 was the second largest contributor with 29 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the film/
music
Use synonyms
 industry had an average
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2003 of 21 per
cent
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 the average
sales
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of
show examples
books at 22 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2013. The least beneficial items were books with 19 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2003,
whereas
Linking Words
clothes
Use synonyms
 were less useful than others with 16 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2013.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words travel, music, clothes, sales, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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