The pie charts compare the amount of online shopping sales for retail parts in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Moreover, those are divided into four categories: travel, film/music, book, and clothes.

The pie charts compare the amount of online shopping sales for retail parts in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Moreover, those are divided into four categories: travel, film/music, book, and clothes.
The graphs show the number of shopping rates for retail stores
according to
the four types:
travel
, film/
music
, book, and
clothes
in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013 years.
Overall
,
travel
and
music
/films are more than half of the
sales
in two years.
Then
, books and
clothes
are less contributing factors than others. On the one hand,
travel
is the most dominant sector with 36 per
cent
in 2003,
whereas
film/
music
provided 33 per
cent
of
sales
in 2013.
Moreover
,
clothes
are the predominant section among others which gave 24 per
cent
benefits in 2003 ,
while
travel
was the second largest contributor with 29 per
cent
in 2013.
On the other hand
, the film/
music
industry had an average
sales
in 2003 of 21 per
cent
,
although
the average
sales
Change preposition
of
show examples
books at 22 per
cent
in 2013. The least beneficial items were books with 19 per
cent
in 2003,
whereas
clothes
were less useful than others with 16 per
cent
in 2013.
Submitted by nezerli.x12 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words travel, music, clothes, sales, cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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