IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People use the Internet for medical advice and to do medical check ups rather than directly meeting with doctors in an office. Why are they using the Internet for this? Is it a positive or a negative development?

#people #internet #advice #check #ups #doctors #office #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many people
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teens,
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 and even seniors google their
symptoms
, medical
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 and
check ups
Correct your spelling
checkups
show examples
 on the internet rather than meeting the
docters
Correct your spelling
doctors
. Why is
this
? It's easy and
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
also
 very cheap (or no cost at all).
However
,
this
 can cause many problems and concerns
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the patient. Many people
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 time tend to be lazy or busy. Many teens refused to go out of their house or even their room. Adults are
also
 very busy in modern days. They work hours on end trying to get money for their family in
this
 economy. Modern grownups
also
 prefer to have some
free-time
Correct your spelling
free time
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own after all the busy work. Many seniors dislike going to the hospital because
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
abit
Correct your spelling
a bit
 of a chore for them. In
this
 economy, money is everything.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
 time, everything is expensive, they need to spend less amount
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money as possible. Going to the
doctors
Fix the agreement mistake
doctor
show examples
 means they have to pay for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gas,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
checkups,
medicine
Correct word choice
and medicine
show examples
. It
also
 causes
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the parents or
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 to lose their working time in some cases. So, the solution to
this
 is; Googling your
symptoms
.
Although
 Googling your
symptoms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 fast and cheap, it may not be accurate. Some of them
over exaggerated
Correct your spelling
over-exaggerate
show examples
 the disease which causes panic. Most of them are fake or not 100% true. In conclusion, using the internet to google your
symptoms
 is not that ethical.
Although
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 easier and cheaper, it causes a more negative impact on you
due to
 the inaccuracy and exaggeration.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 you can use them to scratch the surface of the disease
your
Correct your spelling
you are
show examples
 having but don't guarantee them.
Submitted by np.napatping on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, provide more specific examples or real-life situations to illustrate your points. For instance, mention particular instances where internet diagnosis led to problems.
task achievement
Work on further developing your ideas. For example, elaborate on why Googling symptoms can cause panic or give examples of fake medical information.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences and ideas flow smoothly. Use linking words like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally' to connect paragraphs effectively.
coherence cohesion
Add a little more structure to your arguments. Divide your points clearly into separate paragraphs to make reading easier.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and provides reasons why people use the internet for medical advice.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes the points effectively and provides a clear stance that using the internet for medical advice has more negative impacts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: