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Band 4.5

People use the Internet for medical advice and to do medical check ups rather than directly meeting with doctors in an office. Why are they using the Internet for this? Is it a positive or a negative development?

#people #internet #advice #check #ups #doctors #office #development
Nowadays, many people
from
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apply
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teens,
adult
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adults
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 and even seniors google their
symptoms
, medical
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 and
check ups
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checkups
show examples
 on the internet rather than meeting the
docters
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doctors
. Why is
this
? It's easy and
its
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it's
show examples
also
 very cheap (or no cost at all).
However
,
this
 can cause many problems and concerns
to
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for
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 the patient. Many people
in
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at
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this
 time tend to be lazy or busy. Many teens refused to go out of their house or even their room. Adults are
also
 very busy in modern days. They work hours on end trying to get money for their family in
this
 economy. Modern grownups
also
 prefer to have some
free-time
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free time
show examples
for
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on
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 their own after all the busy work. Many seniors dislike going to the hospital because
its
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it's
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abit
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a bit
 of a chore for them. In
this
 economy, money is everything.
In
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At
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this
 time, everything is expensive, they need to spend less amount
of
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money as possible. Going to the
doctors
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doctor
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 means they have to pay for
the
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gas,
the
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checkups,
medicine
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and medicine
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. It
also
 causes
for
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apply
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the parents or
worker
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workers
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 to lose their working time in some cases. So, the solution to
this
 is; Googling your
symptoms
.
Although
 Googling your
symptoms
are
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is
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 fast and cheap, it may not be accurate. Some of them
over exaggerated
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over-exaggerate
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 the disease which causes panic. Most of them are fake or not 100% true. In conclusion, using the internet to google your
symptoms
 is not that ethical.
Although
its
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it's
it is
show examples
 easier and cheaper, it causes a more negative impact on you
due to
 the inaccuracy and exaggeration.
However
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However,
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 you can use them to scratch the surface of the disease
your
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you are
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 having but don't guarantee them.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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task achievement
To improve task response, provide more specific examples or real-life situations to illustrate your points. For instance, mention particular instances where internet diagnosis led to problems.
task achievement
Work on further developing your ideas. For example, elaborate on why Googling symptoms can cause panic or give examples of fake medical information.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences and ideas flow smoothly. Use linking words like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally' to connect paragraphs effectively.
coherence cohesion
Add a little more structure to your arguments. Divide your points clearly into separate paragraphs to make reading easier.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and provides reasons why people use the internet for medical advice.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes the points effectively and provides a clear stance that using the internet for medical advice has more negative impacts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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