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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days wealthy in the society often throw away perfectly good products in order to replace them with more up-to-date models. Do the enviromental disadvantages outweigh the economic advantages ?

#society #products #models
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In today’s society, technological advancements have made it possible for products to be constantly released in new versions and
consequently
 sought after by the affluent. Goods are purchased by the financially privileged not out of necessity but
due to
 updates and new features, causing
disposal
Add an article
the disposal
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 of still efficient items.
Although
 new gadgets can help people lead an easier life, it can be argued that
this
 trend causes far greater environmental issues than it provides comfort or
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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.
Firstly
, increasing consumption of technology items
such
 as mobile devices and home appliances encourages
further
 production by the industry. Factories and retail stores see demand as an opportunity to profit and promptly try to supply the wealthy with newly updated goods.
This
 is only achieved by using natural resources which are irresponsibly exploited and often exhausted, leading to
imbalance
Add an article
an imbalance
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 in our fauna and flora.
For instance
, as new smartphones are released every year, more mining is required in some African countries in order to extract metals to produce the new models.
This
 disturbs local geological balance altering the ecosystem and causing extreme weather events.
Furthermore
, as new models are acquired, the previously owned
are
Correct pronoun usage
ones are
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 discarded even though they are still in good
conditions
Fix the agreement mistake
condition
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, becoming unnecessary waste which
also
 deteriorates the environment.
On the other hand
, the reason behind the constant seeking of modern products is that they are regarded as a practical tool for an easier life. Newly released smartphones,
for example
, provide functions which allow people to do everyday tasks with little to no effort. Setting alarms, finding good local restaurants,
communicating
Correct word choice
and communicating
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 with
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
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 loved ones are all accomplished very quickly if one owns the latest model of the device. It is the handy update the wealthy are after, solely for the matter of making their routine easier. Even though new ways of doing mundane tasks should always be sought after, it should not be at the expense of natural resources. In sum, the environmental issues caused by
constant
Correct article usage
the constant
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 purchase and disposal of goods are far more concerning and a great price for any luxury or comfort sought by the financially privileged portion of society. More conscious and restrained shopping is needed for a sustainable future.
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task achievement
You have provided a strong response to the task, and your ideas are quite clear and comprehensive. You may want to expand a bit more on the economic advantages to create a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve overall flow.
task achievement
Your essay is very well-supported with relevant examples, especially in discussing environmental issues.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the conclusion effectively sums up the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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