These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that there are advantages and disadvantages to moving to another area with your
children
.
While
it is a commonly held belief that it is beneficial to take your
children
to another
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
with you, there is
also
an argument that your
children
will not be happy with your move for many reasons. In
this
essay, I will discuss both points of view and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, the
children
's
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
may
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit from
this
move.
In other words
, the
children
may want to see
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
cultures and study them.
In addition
, the
children
have a nature that
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
them want to know everything and meet new people.
For example
, my young brother
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
9 years old, he always wants to go with me when I want to go with my friends, he keeps saying I want to talk and have fun with them like you.
On the other hand
, many
children
have great memories in one place they can not leave
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. It is
also
possible to say that
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
number of
children
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
depressed because they
move
Wrong verb form
moved
show examples
to another country, they left their friends and they
see
Verb problem
found
show examples
it hard to meet new people.
Moreover
, moving to another city may affect their personality.
For instance
,
Add an article
the researcher
a researcher
show examples
researcher
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researchers
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found that 65% of
children
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
their home town
due to
their
families
Change noun form
family's
families'
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work,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not build their character easily and they will
be with
Verb problem
have
show examples
no opinion like a robot. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that changing your city will have
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
your
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
character and
may
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
they will get depressed because of that.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the argument, but it could be more balanced by providing equal depth to both perspectives. Try to expand on the reasons why moving could be beneficial, and provide additional specific examples and evidence to support both sides.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally clear, but some sentences could be structured better for improved clarity. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and the essay's structure is logical.
task achievement
The essay covers both points of view and provides personal examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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