These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is no denying the fact that there are advantages and disadvantages to moving to another area with your
children
. While
it is a commonly held belief that it is beneficial to take your children
to another cultural
with you, there is Replace the word
culture
also
an argument that your children
will not be happy with your move for many reasons. In this
essay, I will discuss both points of view and express my opinion.
On one
hand, the Correct article usage
the one
children
's family
may Fix the agreement mistake
families
take
benefit from Verb problem
apply
this
move. In other words
, the children
may want to see others
cultures and study them. Correct quantifier usage
other
In addition
, the children
have a nature that let
them want to know everything and meet new people. Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
For example
, my young brother has
9 years old, he always wants to go with me when I want to go with my friends, he keeps saying I want to talk and have fun with them like you.
Verb problem
is
On the other hand
, many children
have great memories in one place they can not leave it
. It is Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
possible to say that huge
number of Correct article usage
a huge
children
got
depressed because they Wrong verb form
get
move
to another country, they left their friends and they Wrong verb form
moved
see
it hard to meet new people. Verb problem
found
Moreover
, moving to another city may affect their personality. For instance
, Add an article
the researcher
a researcher
researcher
found that 65% of Fix the agreement mistake
researchers
children
leaving
their home town Wrong verb form
leave
due to
their families
work, Change noun form
family's
families'
they
will not build their character easily and they will Correct pronoun usage
apply
be with
no opinion like a robot.
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to Verb problem
have
this
question. On balance, however
, I tend to believe that changing your city will have bad
influence Add an article
a bad
in
your Change preposition
on
children
character and Change noun form
children's
may
they will get depressed because of that.Correct your spelling
maybe
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task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the argument, but it could be more balanced by providing equal depth to both perspectives. Try to expand on the reasons why moving could be beneficial, and provide additional specific examples and evidence to support both sides.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally clear, but some sentences could be structured better for improved clarity. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and the essay's structure is logical.
task achievement
The essay covers both points of view and provides personal examples.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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