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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the percentage of people in one country, by age group, who visited one or more museums in 2006, 2011 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of people in one country, by age group, who visited one or more museums in 2006, 2011 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #country #age #group #museums #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart gives information about the proportion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in one country who different ages of
people
Use synonyms
they going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 one or much time to museums
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one decade.
Overall
Linking Words
,the chart illustrated three periods of time there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who
Add a missing verb
are interest
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
to visit
Change preposition
in visiting
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
 the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 point was in 2016
while
Linking Words
 the
lower
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 number was during in 2011.
To begin
Linking Words
 with 2006 the figure between age
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 citizens under 25
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
people
Use synonyms
 under 35 there was increased
marginal
Change the adjective
marginally
show examples
 to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over
quarter
Correct article usage
a quarter
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
 the next ages there
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased to 20 % from the ages 35 to 54 years after that the number reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the highest point in the chart it was 40
pre
Correct your spelling
per
show examples
 cent
then
Linking Words
 declined sharply to the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 2011
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 growth dramatically to reaching
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher number between the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
34
Change preposition
of 34
show examples
 and 44 after that the figures decreased to the lower point
who
Change preposition
for who
show examples
people
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 elderly.
Submitted by sialamer on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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