IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #staff #members #faculties #university #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012.
Overall
, after analyzing the graph it is clearly apparent that the highest percentage of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in
engineering
Add an article
the engineering
show examples
 field.
Additionally
,
females
 are more active in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 sector.  On the one hand, in the engineering
sector
Add a comma
sector,
show examples
 more than 82%
Change preposition
of male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
interest
Wrong verb form
interested
show examples
 in 2012.
However
, the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 number of boys were involved in education which is just nearly 22%. Apparently,
medicine
Replace the word
the medical
show examples
 field had almost equal percentages of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 at 45%. Meanwhile, business and science faculties have equal
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 at 68%.
On the other hand
, most
females
 were active in
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 faculty almost 48%.
Consequently
, in
law
Add a comma
law,
show examples
 the
females
Change to a genitive case
female's
females'
show examples
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 stood exactly 40%.
Moreover
, the least engagement of
females
 is clearly seen in
engineering
Correct article usage
the engineering
show examples
 part.
Nevertheless
,
art
Change preposition
in art
show examples
, Science and business approximately 58%, 39% and 37%% respectively female are active in these sectors.
Submitted by cranjal07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words females with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: