IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is better to learn the way people lived in the past through films and video records than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #films #video #records #documents
There are numerous numbers of films and videos that
are belonged
Wrong verb form
belong
show examples
 to
people
lived
Correct pronoun usage
who lived
show examples
 in the past.
In addition
, we can derive some beneficial information through books and written papers that are passed to us from past
people
. For better understanding, both of them can be
refered
Correct your spelling
referred
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
 In
this
 essay, I will outline these ways in more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
.
Firstly
, most
people
 are
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 fan of watching movies. Obviously, conveying information through these platforms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more satisfying for them.
For instance
, watching a one-hour documented video might have as same amount of information as a heavy book. The data is more compact
due to
 the
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 of
film-making
Correct article usage
the film-making
show examples
 industry.
However
, most
people
 like to see some illustrations
instead
 of some texts in
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
 era.
On the other hand
, some argue that a short depiction cannot pass these piles of data.
Hence
, they believe, including myself,
reading
Correct word choice
that reading
show examples
 some written documents might be a better alternative.
Moreover
, making videos is an advanced method that has been invented for not a long time. Some special
people
 in the past used to write
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
envents
Correct your spelling
events
 and their daily routine, so we can get benefit from those.
For example
, there are plenty of books discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the ways Iranian
people
 used to live. It turns out that there are unexpected numbers of
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 fake.
Therefore
, we should buy them from trusted stores. All in all, it depends on
people
's preferences and the way they can learn more comfortably. My main choice is to read some written documents
instead
 of watching films because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 more
precised
Correct your spelling
precise
 details. It
offers
Verb problem
allows
show examples
 me to imagine myself in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 circumstances and what would have happened if I were them.
Submitted by aneizehbaz on

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task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the question and maintain a clear position throughout the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This will help in illustrating your ideas more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the flow and organization of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your discussion well.
task achievement
You effectively present both viewpoints regarding the use of films/videos and written documents for understanding the past.
task achievement
Including your personal opinion adds a personal touch and engages the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical events
  • visual representation
  • immerse
  • bring to life
  • accuracy
  • bias
  • limited scope
  • perspective
  • incomplete
  • superficial
  • detailed
  • reliable
  • primary sources
  • firsthand accounts
  • critical analysis
  • interpretation
  • balance
  • comprehensive understanding
  • critical thinking skills
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