IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#first #car #british #roads #year #million #vehicles #alternative #forms #transport #laws #control #ownership
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Driving is always a convenient way for people to go out. Since the appearance of the first car on British
roads
Use synonyms
 in 1888,
vehicles
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are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 used more frequently. Currently, it is not surprising to see plenty of
cars
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, buses, etc running on the
roads
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. In view of
this
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 situation, it is suggested that more types of
transport
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 should be promoted and
laws
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 should be made. Personally, I agree that there is a need to do something in order to alleviate the problem of
such
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 a large amount of
vehicles
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 on the
roads
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. First and foremost, driving
vehicles
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 aggravates global warming,
therefore
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Correct subject-verb agreement
transport
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transports
Correct subject-verb agreement
transport
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 that
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more environmentally friendly should be encouraged to replace the huge usage of
cars
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. It is known that driving
cars
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 is always
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main reason for global warming. Greenhouse
gasses
Correct your spelling
gases
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 are produced during the process of driving and causing air pollution. If more and more
cars
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 keep appearing on the
roads
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, it will apparently worsen the scenario.
Hence
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, a different way of transportation should be promoted
instead
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 of relying on driving
vehicles
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.
For example
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, rail
transport
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 can be encouraged. It can carry a lot of passengers at once
while
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cars
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 can only carry 5 people. In the long run, it is obvious that by taking rail
transport
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, the air pollutants produced are much less than taking
cars
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.
Moreover
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, too many
vehicles
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 on
roads
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 may cause traffic jams, so international
laws
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 should be launched to control
such
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 situations. In Hong Kong, people maintain a busy life. Especially in the morning of the working days, traffic jams happen commonly and subways
as well as
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 highways are always full of
vehicles
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. To relieve
such
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 conditions, governors should make international
laws
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 collaboratively whereby the ownership and usage of
cars
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 must be registered. By putting the ownership and use of
cars
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 under control, the number of
vehicles
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 on
roads
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 will become more stable but not increase dramatically.
To sum up
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, owing to the above reasons,
although
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 it is undeniable that
cars
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 do bring us an advantage as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can bring us from one place to another easily, too many
cars
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 may make the shortcomings outweigh the benefits.
Thus
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, alternative forms of
transport
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 and
laws
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 for
controlling
Replace the word
control
show examples
 should be promoted.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Try to deepen your discussion of the proposed solutions, such as how alternative forms of transport could be realistically implemented or how international laws could be enforced and accepted globally.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is consistently supported with examples, as some parts were less developed than others.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position and attempts to explore the issue from different perspectives, such as environmental concerns and traffic congestion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized with a clear introduction, followed by body paragraphs and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance on
  • regulate
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • public health
  • sustainable development
  • alternative forms of transport
  • car ownership
  • balancing benefits and drawbacks
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