Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both viwes and give your opinions.

Some
people
think that
people
tend to
have
Verb problem
pay
show examples
less attention to
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserving
show examples
local
culture
from their own
country
,
while
others argue that traditions should be preserved as it has a significant value.
This
essay covers both views and I suppose that
people
in a particular
country
should embrace their
culture
as it is the nation's identity. On the one hand, it is true that in the present
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
people
tend to care less about traditional
culture
.
The globalization
Correct article usage
Globalization
show examples
is one of the reasons why
people
do not pay much attention to local heritage. The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of foreign contents that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
easily accessed from the internet
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
many
people
, especially young children, grow apart from
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
culture
.
For instance
, Indonesian teenagers in many schools prefer to join modern K-pop dance
extracurricular
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
show examples
rather than traditional dance classes.
As a result
, the number of
people
who have no interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
preserving traditional
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
will increase over the years.
On the other hand
,
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
way of life is what our ancestors desired to be passed on to the future generation because local
culture
is the identity and the uniqueness of one's
country
.
Moreover
, most cultures have their own
costums
Correct your spelling
customs
costumes
which often include life lessons.
For example
, Indonesia has various tribes with different customs, but all of them share the same way of greeting where the younger needs to lower their body when greeting the older to show respect and politeness.
Therefore
,
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
way of life has to be preserved in order to maintain an individual well-being. In conclusion,
while
some
people
suggest that there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
who maintain local
culture
nowadays, I believe that it is mandatory for every individual of a
country
to preserve their own traditional
culture
to keep the
country
's identity and
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and supported with clear examples. For instance, when mentioning that globalization affects cultural preservation, provide more detailed examples of how this occurs in various aspects of life.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more transition words and phrases to enhance the logical flow between your ideas. This will further improve the overall coherence of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents a balanced view, addressing both sides of the argument effectively.
relevant specific examples
Good use of specific examples, such as the one about Indonesian teenagers preferring K-pop over traditional dance, to support your point about the impact of globalization.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces the importance of cultural preservation.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural identity
  • Traditional customs
  • Heritage
  • Cultural preservation
  • Modernization
  • Cultural revival
  • Intergenerational
  • Societal cohesion
  • Continuity
  • Multicultural societies
  • Revitalization
  • Heritage preservation
  • Cultural integration
  • Evolving cultures
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