Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both viwes and give your opinions.
Some
people
think that people
tend to have
less attention to Verb problem
pay
preserve
local Wrong verb form
preserving
culture
from their own country
, while
others argue that traditions should be preserved as it has a significant value. This
essay covers both views and I suppose that people
in a particular country
should embrace their culture
as it is the nation's identity.
On the one hand, it is true that in the present Fix the agreement mistake
day
days
Add a comma
days,
people
tend to care less about traditional culture
. The globalization
is one of the reasons why Correct article usage
Globalization
people
do not pay much attention to local heritage. The amount
of foreign contents that Change the quantifier
number
are
easily accessed from the internet Correct subject-verb agreement
is
make
many Change the verb form
makes
people
, especially young children, grow apart from local
Add an article
the local
culture
. For instance
, Indonesian teenagers in many schools prefer to join modern K-pop dance extracurricular
rather than traditional dance classes. Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
As a result
, the number of people
who have no interest of
preserving traditional Change preposition
in
number
will increase over the years.
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
On the other hand
, traditional
way of life is what our ancestors desired to be passed on to the future generation because local Correct article usage
the traditional
culture
is the identity and the uniqueness of one's country
. Moreover
, most cultures have their own costums
which often include life lessons. Correct your spelling
customs
costumes
For example
, Indonesia has various tribes with different customs, but all of them share the same way of greeting where the younger needs to lower their body when greeting the older to show respect and politeness. Therefore
, traditional
way of life has to be preserved in order to maintain an individual well-being.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
the traditional
while
some people
suggest that there are less
Change the quantifier
fewer
people
who maintain local culture
nowadays, I believe that it is mandatory for every individual of a country
to preserve their own traditional culture
to keep the country
's identity and value
.Fix the agreement mistake
values
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on
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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and supported with clear examples. For instance, when mentioning that globalization affects cultural preservation, provide more detailed examples of how this occurs in various aspects of life.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more transition words and phrases to enhance the logical flow between your ideas. This will further improve the overall coherence of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents a balanced view, addressing both sides of the argument effectively.
relevant specific examples
Good use of specific examples, such as the one about Indonesian teenagers preferring K-pop over traditional dance, to support your point about the impact of globalization.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces the importance of cultural preservation.
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