The pie charts below present the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below present the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New

Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Graphs
ilustrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
of online
sales
for 4 different retail sectors in New Zeeland between 2003 and 2013. It is evident that in 2003 the (most popular) highest percentage of online
sales
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
travel
and the Least
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
was books. But after 10 years
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
it
changes
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
from
travel
to film
music
of
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
part of
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
the lowest became to
be
Change the verb form
be clothed
be clothing
show examples
clothes
. In the diagram of 2003
travel
online
sales
used to be 36%, but it had
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
decline to 29%0 in 2013.
While
the
clothes
saw) As
a
Remove the article
travel
a journey
a trip
show examples
travel
,
clothes
was roughly 25% at the start in 2003,
although
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
experience
drop
Change the verb form
drops
show examples
to 16% at the over 10 years.
Whereas
both books and film/
music
have started
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at 19% and 21%, respectively. these trends were
fallowed
Correct your spelling
followed
show examples
by rapid increase. Books
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
up to 22%.
While
film and
music
percentage of online
sales
climbed
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
33 % becoming
main
Add an article
the main
a main
show examples
part of online
sales
for retail sectors. In conclusion , all the retail sectors changed through 10 year period the
sales
of
travel
and
clothes
slide
Wrong verb form
slid
show examples
away ,
while
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
along with
films /
music
grew.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, travel, music, clothes with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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