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Band 5

Many young people move out of their homes to live alone or to live with their friends. Some people think this is a good idea. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #move #homes #friends #idea
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
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an
Change the article
a
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 contentious issue whether to move from parents
in
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at
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 a young age or stay with them for a longer time. I concur living on your own or with friends is a better option to fully understand the reality of
adults
Fix the agreement mistake
adult
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 life. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I will elaborate on why I strongly stand for it.
To begin
 with, having
a
Remove the article
apply
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constant care makes us
anaware
Correct your spelling
unaware
aware
 of all responsibilities. If the family brings us to the doctor,
pay
Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
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 for insurance and
handle
Correct subject-verb agreement
handles
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 bills it makes us lazy. To mature we should find a way to manage our lives fully and the best solution for
that is
 not to live in a family house.
Furthermore
, some people are not aware of how many things are done by their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
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. When their family dies they are overwhelmed by all
Correct article usage
the stuffs
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stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 than need to handle and new obligations. They have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 chance
to get
Change preposition
of getting
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 depressed. By deciding to live on their own
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young age they make
this
 process gradual. It prevents burning out at the beginning of an adult life.
Moreover
,
its
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it's
it is
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 good for the economy. If there
is
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are
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 more people responsible for
themselvs
Correct your spelling
themselves
 there is more workforce. It
bust
Verb problem
can
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 profit from taxes and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 the country to develop faster. It increases
a
Correct article usage
the
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 need to build more houses,
creates
Correct word choice
and creates
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 more
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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 and activities for people.
To sum up
, moving allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
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 understand
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are tasks of every grown person. It is good to think about it earlier to not be
crashed
Correct your spelling
crushed
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 by too many
of
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apply
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things at once.
Also
 ,
this
 has a positive influence on the economy. Personally, I experienced that moving motivated me to take accountability for my own actions and start using more services and entertainment.
Submitted by Aga on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Each paragraph should transition smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point in the essay is fully supported and developed with examples or explanations. This will enhance the comprehensiveness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
You have presented a complete response to the task by addressing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a generally logical structure, making it easy to follow the progression of your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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