IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#communications #medicine #transport #systems #depend #computer #technology #reliance #fields #situation
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Nowadays, dependence on
technology
Use synonyms
 is immense in all industries like medicine, transportation and communication.
However
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, I disagree with the statement that reliance on technological development has dangerous consequences.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that computers are more an accurate and convenient source and data is restored, so
technology
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-related issues ought to be solved easily. First and foremost,
technology
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 is a more reliant source than human capital and the traditional method of keeping records as hard copies.
For example
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, it has fostered fast and cost-efficient methods of
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
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; led to new discoveries in the medical field and made tracking and
navigations
Fix the agreement mistake
navigation
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 of vehicles easy. Storing, sorting and finding records has been
more
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apply
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easier than ever as everything is just a click away.
Therefore
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, it is a more feasible option to rely on machines for faster completion of tasks in an effective manner.
Furthermore
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, should the data be lost or hacked, it can be restored using
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 tools and techniques, and the growing number of technical engineers throughout the world, deliver expertise in the field to help resolve the issues quickly.
For instance
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, technical giants assist companies in protecting their websites,
stores
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store
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 information on their behalf and fix all the bugs instantly.
Consequently
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,
restoration
Correct article usage
the restoration
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 of records and data is instant, preventing any adverse effects.
Hence
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, it is safe to use
technology
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 wisely in all fields. In conclusion, the dominance and reliance of
technology
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 on other sectors is noticeable and I believe it is a positive development. Owing to the fact that despite
technology
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is
Wrong verb form
being
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 easier to hack, it is safeguarded.
Submitted by bidingmehakjot on

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task achievement
The response is consistent with the topic and takes a clear stance. However, the argument could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the continuity of ideas between paragraphs is maintained with appropriate transitions and link phrases. Paragraphs are generally well-structured but could be made more impactful with stronger linkages.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing the writer's position clearly and cohesively.
task achievement
Ideas are generally clear and expressed logically, providing a good level of detail.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
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