It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?

It has become frequent among individuals to continue working for longer years in many parts of the world without the restriction of retirement
age
.
While
some
people
support
this
development, I tend to disagree with
this
because of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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youth unemployment ratio and the inefficient output by elderly
people
aging
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ageing
show examples
beyond 60. To commence with, the main reason why I do not support the aged
people
to keep working after a certain
age
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
in many countries joblessness is a growing concern.
As there
Correct word choice
There
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are many graduates who are struggling to find a position because of
lack
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the lack
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of vacancies in every sector.
In other words
, it is the aged persons who create vacancies for
new comers
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newcomers
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when they get
retired
Wrong verb form
retire
show examples
timely. Take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
example of Japan, which has the highest percentage of
older
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the older
an older
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population, faced
a
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apply
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huge unemployment in 2010 mainly
due to
senior individuals who kept working for longer
period
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periods
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.
Thus
, it seems evident to have a
fix
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fixed
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age
of giving up work to create adequate places for beginners each year.
Moreover
, another reason I believe would be the
less
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lower
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productivity of senior citizens.
This
means that when
people
cross three scores, they become less energetic and get fatigued earlier.
This
is certainly because by that
age
body organs function slowly and
congitive
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cognitive
abilities are restrained.
For instance
, senior folks are less likely to think in an innovative way and sometimes they are reluctant to cope with
contemporay
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contemporary
advancements. Clearly, youngsters should be hired in order to ensure rapid growth and ingenuity
at
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in
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workplace
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the workplace
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. In a nutshell,
rising
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the rising
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joblessness of adults and reduced work efficiency of senior citizens are the leading factors which advocate the fact that we should not encourage to
extend
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extension
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the
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of the
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retirement
age
.
Submitted by muaaztousif2105 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea, supported by relevant information and examples. Consider expanding on examples to deepen the argument.
task achievement
Maintain a consistent level of formality throughout the essay while ensuring arguments are thoroughly developed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
coherence cohesion
Argument development is logical, with each paragraph focused on a specific point related to the main topic.
task achievement
The ideas presented are pertinent to the topic and illustrate the writer's perspective clearly.
task achievement
The essay includes examples, like Japan's situation, which support the argument effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • economic necessity
  • financial insecurity
  • aging population
  • workforce diversity
  • knowledge transfer
  • cognitive benefits
  • age discrimination
  • physical capability
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