It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?

#people #retirement #age #countries #change

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It has become frequent among individuals to continue working for longer years in many parts of the world without the restriction of retirement

age

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

some

people

Use synonyms

support

this

Linking Words

development, I tend to disagree with

this

Linking Words

because of

increasing

Correct article usage

the increasing

show examples

youth unemployment ratio and the inefficient output by elderly

people

Use synonyms

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

beyond 60. To commence with, the main reason why I do not support the aged

people

Use synonyms

to keep working after a certain

age

Use synonyms

because

Add a missing verb

is because

show examples

in many countries joblessness is a growing concern.

As there

Correct word choice

There

show examples

are many graduates who are struggling to find a position because of

lack

Correct article usage

the lack

show examples

of vacancies in every sector.

In other words

Linking Words

, it is the aged persons who create vacancies for

new comers

Correct your spelling

newcomers

show examples

when they get

retired

Wrong verb form

retire

show examples

timely. Take

Correct article usage

the

show examples

example of Japan, which has the highest percentage of

older

Add an article

the older

an older

show examples

population, faced

Remove the article

apply

show examples

huge unemployment in 2010 mainly

due to

Linking Words

senior individuals who kept working for longer

period

Fix the agreement mistake

periods

show examples

Thus

Linking Words

, it seems evident to have a

fix

Change the verb form

fixed

show examples

age

Use synonyms

of giving up work to create adequate places for beginners each year.

Moreover

Linking Words

, another reason I believe would be the

less

Fix the agreement mistake

lower

show examples

productivity of senior citizens.

This

Linking Words

means that when

people

Use synonyms

cross three scores, they become less energetic and get fatigued earlier.

This

Linking Words

is certainly because by that

age

Use synonyms

body organs function slowly and

congitive

Correct your spelling

cognitive

abilities are restrained.

For instance

Linking Words

, senior folks are less likely to think in an innovative way and sometimes they are reluctant to cope with

contemporay

Correct your spelling

contemporary

advancements. Clearly, youngsters should be hired in order to ensure rapid growth and ingenuity

Change preposition

show examples

workplace

Add an article

the workplace

show examples

. In a nutshell,

rising

Correct article usage

the rising

show examples

joblessness of adults and reduced work efficiency of senior citizens are the leading factors which advocate the fact that we should not encourage to

extend

Replace the word

extension

show examples

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

retirement

age

Use synonyms

Submitted by muaaztousif2105 on Sat Oct 05 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea, supported by relevant information and examples. Consider expanding on examples to deepen the argument.

task achievement

Maintain a consistent level of formality throughout the essay while ensuring arguments are thoroughly developed.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.

coherence cohesion

Argument development is logical, with each paragraph focused on a specific point related to the main topic.

task achievement

The ideas presented are pertinent to the topic and illustrate the writer's perspective clearly.

task achievement

The essay includes examples, like Japan's situation, which support the argument effectively.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

retirement age
life expectancy
economic necessity
financial insecurity
aging population
workforce diversity
knowledge transfer
cognitive benefits
age discrimination
physical capability

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Some countries used to have more population in the past years and did progress for their nations. Although, in the modern era many nations have a lot of younger people as compared to elder people. Many populations believe that the young population do hard work and puts a minimum burden on the national health care system. It is completely agreed that the advantages are more beneficial than the disadvantages. Both sides of this topic will be carefully analysed before constructing an inference.
5
band
Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Society's perception of achievement varies from person to person. While some find human who have a lot of cash achievement, everybody else find human who contribute to society achievement. This essay will examine both these things also then i will give my own idea.
4.5
band
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence.
As the world as life, have two-faces. On one hand, there is the white color, which could correspond to the richness part, where the wealthy nations are. On the other hand, the poorness one. However, we are not aware of the colors exist between both, as a grey. The world is getting use to loose the grey scale.
4.5
band
Some employers are willing to give their workers a certain amount of unpaid sabbatical* time, believing this benefits the individual and the organisation. Other employers see no merit in this arrangement and discourage it. Consider the possible arguments for and against unpaid sabbatical leave, and reach a viewpoint of your own. * Unpaid sabbatical time or leave = extended, unpaid time off work, in which an employee can follow personal interests or studies, and then return to work.
According to brain behaviour, a calm mind has more productivity than a busy one during work. In this point of view, some employers offer a certain amount of unpaid sabbatical time to increase their employees' yield and on the other hand, some of them disagree with this solution. Both approach has some benefits and drawbacks. In this essay, I will consider each one.
6.5
band
Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.
There is an ever increasing use of technology, such as tablets and laptops, in the classroom. It is often argued that this is a positive development, whilst others disagree and think it will lead to adverse ramifications. This essay agrees that an increase in technology is beneficial to students and teachers. This essay will discuss both points of view.

It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.