It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?
It has become frequent among individuals to continue working for longer years in many parts of the world without the restriction of retirement
age
. While
some people
support this
development, I tend to disagree with this
because of increasing
youth unemployment ratio and the inefficient output by elderly Correct article usage
the increasing
people
aging
beyond 60.
To commence with, the main reason why I do not support the aged Change the spelling
ageing
people
to keep working after a certain age
because
in many countries joblessness is a growing concern. Add a missing verb
is because
As there
are many graduates who are struggling to find a position because of Correct word choice
There
lack
of vacancies in every sector. Correct article usage
the lack
In other words
, it is the aged persons who create vacancies for new comers
when they get Correct your spelling
newcomers
retired
timely. Take Wrong verb form
retire
an
example of Japan, which has the highest percentage of Correct article usage
the
older
population, faced Add an article
the older
an older
a
huge unemployment in 2010 mainly Remove the article
apply
due to
senior individuals who kept working for longer period
. Fix the agreement mistake
periods
Thus
, it seems evident to have a fix
Change the verb form
fixed
age
of giving up work to create adequate places for beginners each year.
Moreover
, another reason I believe would be the less
productivity of senior citizens. Fix the agreement mistake
lower
This
means that when people
cross three scores, they become less energetic and get fatigued earlier. This
is certainly because by that age
body organs function slowly and congitive
abilities are restrained. Correct your spelling
cognitive
For instance
, senior folks are less likely to think in an innovative way and sometimes they are reluctant to cope with contemporay
advancements. Clearly, youngsters should be hired in order to ensure rapid growth and ingenuity Correct your spelling
contemporary
at
Change preposition
in
workplace
.
In a nutshell, Add an article
the workplace
rising
joblessness of adults and reduced work efficiency of senior citizens are the leading factors which advocate the fact that we should not encourage to Correct article usage
the rising
extend
Replace the word
extension
the
retirement Change preposition
of the
age
.Submitted by muaaztousif2105 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea, supported by relevant information and examples. Consider expanding on examples to deepen the argument.
task achievement
Maintain a consistent level of formality throughout the essay while ensuring arguments are thoroughly developed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
coherence cohesion
Argument development is logical, with each paragraph focused on a specific point related to the main topic.
task achievement
The ideas presented are pertinent to the topic and illustrate the writer's perspective clearly.
task achievement
The essay includes examples, like Japan's situation, which support the argument effectively.